Hell Of A Feeling - sequel to Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time

2

The ride to New York was long. Too long. I spent most of the time hiding in the back bedroom of the bus while Brendon hung out with the guys up front. From what I heard, they had a lot of fun playing card games together. I remember back when Jon, Spencer, Bren, and I did the same thing. It's bittersweet to see that we really were replaced when we left. In every sense of the word.

But that doesn't matter. What matters is that right now I'm laying in a bed in a hotel in New York City, watching the most incredible man I know change into a pair of skin tight jeans.

"So... Some of the crew guys are going out after the show tonight...." Brendon starts, looking over his shoulder at me.

"Oh yeah?" I pause, smiling to myself. "They should definitely go by bar one. That place is fucking amazing."

"I know" Brendon chuckles "I was the one who showed you that bar." He grins. "We should show them all our favorite places tonight."

I sit up slowly at his words, pressing my lips together in thought. "Going out with a bunch of people I didn't know and who probably wished I wasn't here? Sounds great." I say, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Brendon rolls his eyes hard. "George Ryan Ross, I'm so fucking tired of you doing that." Oh great, full name. That wasn't a good sign.

"Doing what?" I sigh.

"Acting like you're miserable here."

"Well I-"

"Don't. I don't want to hear it." He groans, moving to sit next to me on the bed. "Look, I get it. I know the guys aren't exactly the most welcoming people." He sighs, taking my hand and stroking over it with his thumb. "And I know this is hard for you but...." He takes a long pause, as if he's trying to figure out how to say what he's trying to. "I wanted you to come on this tour so we could be together. I wanted us to relive our old memories. I wanted to go places with you that I haven't been able to go in since we broke up. I wanted to explore the country with you and make new memories. And that means being around the guys at times. I know you're not crazy about them but you could at least give them a chance and not act like you're so fucking miserable the whole time. I swear they'll ease up eventually..." He manages a smile in my direction. His eyes are soft and I can't say no to that face. It's not possible to say no to him.

"It just doesn't feel right without...." I stop myself.

"Without Jon and Spencer?" I nod gently and he sighs, looking down at his lap. "I get it. Trust me." He shakes his head gently. "Why do you think I can't play pretty odd songs anymore?" He looks at me with sad eyes. "The last time I played northern downpour I fucking broke down."

"It was hard playing without you and spence when Jon and I left. I saw the video of you breaking down and I.... It wasn't an easy thing for me to watch."

"It takes time, and trust me, sometimes it's still hard, but it gets easier."

"I just... I feel like you replaced us." I sigh. Brendon looks up at me with wide eyes, as if he's in shock.

"Replaced you? Fuck no. You guys were my family. It's kind of impossible to replace you fuckers." He chuckles. "I wish we could all still play together but things change, and I wasn't done making music. I didn't really have a choice."

"I know I just..." I sigh. "I wish I could go back to playing shows and traveling the world with my best friends."

"Fuck, so do i." He sighs, shaking his head.

It takes me a while, but I finally get to my feet and grab a clean black t-shirt from my duffle bag. "Come on. We have to get ready. We have a long night tonight."

Brendon looks at me with bright eyes and smiles brightly. "Does that mean you're going tonight?" He says excitedly, like a puppy who you're dangling a toy in front of. Cutie.

"Yeah, I guess it does." I chuckle, and suddenly I'm attacked by a smiling Brendon. His arms wrap around me tightly and squeeze my body to his.

"I fucking love you." He says through smiling teeth.

"I fucking love you too." I chuckle.