bits & pieces

missing

the worst is missing someone you shouldn't miss. missing someone you aren't even close to, but you see them everyday, and grow accustomed to them in your life. then when they're gone you just feel hallow, like something is out of place.

when sophomore year started, i had faced a lot of changes. my older sister had just graduated high school, and my dad made the executive decision that we would move houses. he decided that with my sister not living with us anymore, and my mom living out of the state, we could move to an apartment closer to the city, and closer to my school. i have to admit, moving from a four bedroom house to a two bedroom apartment made missing the two main women in my life a little easier- no empty bedrooms to remind me of them- but it was still brutal.

anyway, being closer to the city meant i was expected to take the public bus to school, instead of being driven by my father. the first day of sophomore year rolled around, and frankly i was terrified. the fact that i might miss the bus on the first day of school was slowly eating away at my thoughts, and just adding to my stress.

luckily, i didn't miss the bus. when i strolled up to the bus stop, just a block away from my home, there were three boys. i immediately recognized one of them as hayden maklin. somehow i had english, french and math class with hayden for three years in a row. as i got closer i also recognized isaac mcfadden, a short blond boy with too many freckles for his own good. we had study hall together in the eight grade. he was the first of the three to say "hey, jamie" to me. the last boy was scrawny with messy hair and had a very bored expression on his face. he looked familiar like i had seen him before, but i didn't know his name.

by a couple weeks into the school year we were all friends. it wasn't like i would hang out with them, or mention them as my friends to someone else. but, we made comfortable conversation and were able to laugh together. i learned that the scrawny boy's name was benson slater. once i got past his quiet and awkward shell, we got a long pretty well.

then, things started to fall apart when november started. the three boys and i were good friends, always chatting and laughing on the way to and from school. hayden and i even started hanging out together after school and on the weekends. but, on one tuesday isaac wasn't on the bus. i saw him at school, so i knew he wasn't absent, but he wasn't riding the bus. the week passed by and isaac was still not riding the bus. i approached him one day at lunch and asked him why he stopped riding. then i found out that his cousin who was a junior started to drive him to school.

i didn't really think much of it then, the bus stop was just a little quieter. about a month later, a week before winter break, hayden and i were getting lunch. he told me that his family was moving houses. it was only about five minutes from his old house, but he would be riding a different bus. i didn't care because hayden and i were friends, and we would still hang out. but there was no doubt he would be missed at the bus stop.

on the day after winter break i walked up to the bus stop like normal, but my heart sort of stuttered. benson was the only one at the bus stop. he was quiet and a little awkward. this, of course, made conversation difficult with no one else around. half the time he had headphones in, and the other half he didn't really seem in the mood to talk. but, when we did talk we would have decent conversations.

as each day passed by i started to hate going to the bus stop every morning. it took me a while to realize why i hated it so much. was it because benson would rarely talk? was it just because i hated school? the period of time between winter and spring break is always the worst. maybe i just missed getting to sleep in and getting driven to school everyday? then it doomed upon me. i missed hayden and isaac. i missed talking to them everyday. i missed isaac always attempting to flirt with me, and me shutting him down every time. i missed getting to see hayden so frequently, and i missed his stupid witty remarks about everything i said.