Porcelain (On Hold)

Porcelain: Chapter 1

     I looked at Georgia for some kind of response.  Any response!  I need advice and I need it now or I will crawl into a hole and die.  But Georgia just looked perplexed.  I blew out air.  I couldn’t really blame her, it took me hours to believe my condition.  I sighed again, all the emotions I am feeling welling up.  More tears streamed down my face.  Haven’t I run out yet?  I started to hiccup and take in shallow breaths again.  I can’t take it.  I can just see my mom’s face...

     “Annika!  Please, your scaring me.  Calm down, please!”  Georgia said in a panicked voice, taking hold of my shoulders and gently shaking me.  I tried to calm down but it was hard.  I closed my eyes again and started to rock back and forth for comfort.

     His eyes, they seemed so genuine, so loving.  He trailed his hand down the length of my body never once leaving my eyes.  His hand came back up to cup my cheek.  That smile...

     I snapped my eyes back open and took in a shallow breath.  So clear but so blurry...

     “You know what is even worse?  I can’t even go to him for support.  I can’t face him too, not when I know he will leave me again,” I say slowly.  I didn’t even really think about it until now but... what will he think?  What will he do about it?

     “Annika, don’t even think about that right now.  You need to focus on telling your parents first.  They can help you a lot more than that jerk can.  I’m not saying don’t tell him, but hold off on it.  I mean school is only two months in.  Ok?  I will be here for you.  Do you want me there with Miriam and Kyle?”  Georgia asked gently.

     I nodded my head rapidly at her.  I gave her a tight hug that she returned.  I pulled away from her to see her giving me a small smile and telling me everything will be alright.

     God, did I hope so.

     I was wringing my clammy hands together over and over, my head down as I fidgeted with my class ring.  It was a small platinum band with a square cut sapphire gem inlaid.  Around it read my high school’s name, Sealcrest High, with an honors symbol on one side and the team mascot on the other.  I’ve loved it since the day I got it, but now I’m not sure if I ever want to step foot into the school again.  It will be the end of me if my parents don’t end me first.

     I flinched at the sound of my father clearing his throat.  Looking up, I see my father leaning backwards in the kitchen chair.  His blond hair which I inherited was a shade lighter than my own, his green eyes watching my face uncertainly but completely oblivious of the turmoil that was coursing through my brain as I imagined those eyes turning hard.  Overall, Kyle Castro is a good looking man.  But nothing compared to my mother, a petite red head with amazingly bright blue eyes, which I didn’t inherit.  She sat next to my father, holding his left hand as she too looked at me expectantly.

     I looked back down to my hands, noticing I’ve been rubbing my wrists so much a ring of pink was beginning to show and my fingernails were bitten down to the core from my nerves.  I felt a hand grab my shoulder and give a light squeeze.  I took a deep breath and mouthed ‘thank you’ to Georgia who was standing behind me.

     “Annika, we have been sitting here in silence for ten minutes.  Do you mind telling us what is going on?  Did you do badly on your Calculus test?”  my father asked.  I looked over to him with unease and started to shift my weight from one foot to the other, probably making me look like I had to use the restroom.  Then I looked to my mom, internally flinching at the pain I’m about to cause her.

     “Not... exactly,” I was barely able to get out.  I felt the sweat building up on my forehead and base of my neck.  Was it hot in here?  I pulled my sleeves up to my elbows.