Depression rants

Friday 6-3-16

setting: school

emotion: N/A

What's going on: 

I never get time with my girlfriend anymore. she is always busy and is constantly hanging out with anyone but me. I can't blame her though. she is busy, she has a life (unlike me), she has other friends. I feel extremely left out and I feel like I am her last priority. I have trust and commitment issues, so this is really hard for me. I try to be the best god damn girlfriend I can be! But it doesn't seem to be good enough. My friend who is also my girlfriends friend is currently writing my girlfriend a note about how she doesn't want to hang out with her when I am around because she feels i am taking her from my friend. It is absolutely ridiculous! I get less time with MY GIRLFRIEND then she does with her FRIEND. I have known My girlfriend a little longer than she does. We get to hang out about once every two months. I feel like she is not appreciative of me. I buy her gifts with my minimum-wage money. I am always writing her love poems and notes, but I don't think she appreciates them. She almost never texts me back, and when she does it is only for a few minutes before she has to leave for whatever reason it is that day. She thinks I am over- emotional but I am. Mainly because of my Bipolar and depression disorder. I don't want to blame it on that though. when we do have a time to catch up she ALWAYS has an excuse. we sit together at lunch, she talks to the friend that was writing the note, or reads. In our one class together she always seems to be taken away by her work. everyday after school she has Dance from 4 to 9 with the exception of wednesday(gets out at 6) and friday(she doesn't go). Most weekends she is ether with relatives, on a trip, dance comp., or just busy with some other friend. I feel like a potato skin when I am with her. in other words, chopped liver. I can never tell if she loves me like she claims or not. I want to grow closer to her, because I know I am in love for the first time. She is my first girlfriend... I've had many boyfriends but never fell in love. she was my second kiss, my first was forced. I go out of my comfort zone all the fucking time for her but she refuses to go to the end of the hall by the gymnasium 20 minutes before school. Doesn't let me kiss her. She ignores every sign I throw at her. I honestly don't know what to do. I feel like shit all of the time. I wake up in the morning get ready FOR HER and  wait for her for 10 minutes every day before school.  I respect her Privacy and her Comfort zone but come on! I do so much for you.

The thing is, she is the best in every other way I feel bad ranting about her because I love her but I have to get this off of my titties for once.

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I will probably be back to rant soon bc everything pisses me off, so stay tuned bitches, skanks, and hoes! 

message me for anything, I have no life so I'll probably answer them.

~A