Broken Generation (Sequel to Don't Go)

Chapter 15

"I don't want to Austin, please." I whispered- terrified at the thought of going somewhere where I was holed up- stuck in a place where other people suffered. Where I was forced to come to terms with what I have done is wrong. I didn't want to face it- I knew what I did was wrong. I knew it.

"Crimson... we love you. We need you to do this- if you don't..." His voice cracked and I looked over at him, tears falling down my face as I watched him cry. "-If you don't, you might just stay asleep forever next time." He choked out before breaking down into soft cries- resting his face on the bed as his hand still held tightly to my hand. I watched his shoulders tremble and listened to him cry. My heart- for I had forgotten I had one, how else would I of been able to continue on as I did- broke and shattered completely. Leaving me feeling empty and cold. Like the Arctic.

"The thing you love most is what got you here you bitch!" A new voice cried and I looked over to the left- staring at the black figure there. Cloaked and floating- black as death. "It got you here because you weren't grateful enough so it taught you a fucking lesson! What the hell happened to being grateful to it wench? You should've fucking died! Maybe then I wouldn't have to teach from the start- from the beginning all over again." It spat and I bit down on my lip.

"Leave me alone." I choked out- and it looked taken back, if it could look taken back.

"Leave you alone? Leave, you, alONE? Who the hell are you to command me bitch! I own you! I fucking own you! I control you!" It leapt forward and I let out a scream- throwing up my arms and jerking out a needle in the process. The heart monitor started beeping like crazy and Austin stood- calling out for a nurse as he tried to calm me down. Everything that happened next was a blur- something was clawing at me and something else was trying to stop me. There was blood everywhere and I felt another pinch again- letting out another scream before sinking into blackness.

** Oli's P.O.V. **

I have been abandoned to myself. I don't understand how they can call this shit life. All the tales that your parents tell you when you're a young kid about that after everything there will always be a "happily ever after". That's all bullshit. That's nowhere near the real world. The world how it truly is has barely anything good. It's filled with ignorant people, people who only care about themselves, thinking they can push others around. The world is filled with just too much evil and the pure ones get picked on and excluded. The values have reversed. God blesses the ignorant ones.

If there ever was a God, he is dead by now. Who would ever let the world rotten the way it is now. Justice has reached it's limit where the thieves are protected and the victims are punished. It has become a world where the people filled with corruption and ignorance order and take control of countries and people with knowledge get pushed away. A world where there has to be discrimination no matter what, always against a label. Those stupid labels are the cause of everything; of every single war. Where people have to find a group of people to hate on. A world where one's hobby is to spread rumors and to gossip about one another. The world has turned to pure madness and it aches my heart to see all of this.

I think I have lost my faith in humanity. I closed myself in my place. The only reasons for which I actually breath in some fresh air and see the sunlight is to fill up my fridge and to get some treats for my dogs. I occasionally even buy them a new toy, they deserve it after all. Other than that, I haven't had contact with the world.

The other day Austin called me letting me keep up with what's happening in outside world. I heard that Crimson had almost killed herself by overdosing on Heroin. She just woke up from her coma and will be soon be put into rehab. I pitied and fully understood her poor soul. Who would have ever known that she would have tried to follow the same destiny that fell upon Nicole? I still wonder if it was an attempt to give up on life or maybe even a cry for help.

Other than that, what could I say? I was no different from her. I was following that same dark tunnel. Once one has entered the world of drugs, it's hard to even have the motivation to stop. They end up controlling you and your whole life. Everything you do from then on will make you go back and think about it. Missing that sensation of numbness, of nothingness. The ability to let go of all your pain and just to forget about it for a few hours is extraordinary.

As much as I love my band mates, they are just oblivious. It could be that we just see each other once a week at the studio to slowly work on the upcoming album. I of course make sure that for that one day I'm completely clear from the effects of the Ketamine. So, I guess they don't really have that much to be suspicious about. Anyway, they don't have to worry about me. It's already enough that they worry about their problems, I don't need to add mine along the list.

I heard a knock at the door. I looked at the time and I knew the only person it could be was my drug dealer to fill up my stock. I rushed over the bedroom to grab the money and then made by way to the door. I turned the doorknob and gave out a small smile while opening the door.

"Hello Oli, I got the ketamine." the normal deep voice spoke and he handed over the clear bag to me. I grabbed the bag leaving the money in his hand in one smooth quick movement.

"Thanks man, do you want to come in for a drink of something?" I asked him nicely. He shook his head.

"Why not, I got some time to kill man" He smiled and entered. I let him sit down comfortably on the couch while I made my way to the kitchen.

"What would you like?" I asked him.

"I'll take some beer." He answered back. I nodded even though I perfectly knew he couldn't see me. I grabbed two bottle of beer and opened them. I went back to the living room, passed one to him and sat down. We chatted along for a bit while we learned a bit about each other. He grew up in a bad neighborhood when we was young and his father was a drug dealer too. That's how he knew all his tricks to do his job. After a bit the topic was about me.

"You know, I looked you guys up the other day and heard some songs. I got to say you ain't bad Oli, not at all." He told me. I chuckled and smiled.

"Thanks man, I'm glad that you liked our music." I replied.

"No problem, but I was curious about one thing. What brought you to do this. I know it's pretty commonly used in the rock genre but you never gave me the vibe of that kind of guy." He asked me while taking his last sip of beer. I felt my heart sunk, however what did I expect?

"Shit happens and fucks you up. I had this beautiful girlfriend you know? Her name was Nicole. She was just perfect and I was finally happy with her. She wasn't like the rest of the girls who came out to me for the fame or for the money. She actually loved me and I loved her. I did some stupid shit and I doubted her. Things started to get bad and we were always fighting. I knew that she didn't want to cause you could read the sadness in her eyes. But I was stupid and went behind her back. The next thing I knew was that she disappeared. I later found out that she killed herself that night." I told him occasionally slurring my words.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry man. I had no idea." He said feeling bad for asking me that question. I shook my head.

"It's ok really, don't worry about it. It's not like I can change the past and bring her back to life." I said. He slowly nodded in acceptance and looked down at his watch.

"I'm sorry but I got to go back to work. People are soon going to wonder what happened to me. It was nice talking to you." He said as he got up. I got up too and accompanied him to the door. I opened it to him, smiling.

"See you soon" I said and I closed the door behind me. I made my to the bathroom where every was already laid out. I let the ketamine dissolve in the water in my spoon. Then with careful I put it in the syringe. It didn't take me that much time anymore to find the right spot to stab it in. It was pretty obvious since there was a nice purple bruise surrounding it. I pushed in the chemicals and there they went traveling through my body.

I let go of everything and rested my head against the cool bathroom tile wall. I could immediately feel the effects starting to kick in. I smiled as I welcomed once again the world of darkness that I missed too much. 

** I hope you guys liked the chapter. There are exams that start next week on Wednesday and I'm just full on terrified. I have reached my limits of stress and anxiety it's unbelievable. Like, I'm so scared and I'm trying to get everything together but I can't. I just really hope my exams will go well. Feel free to give m any kind of advice. **