The Scandal

14. Something

A/N: shoutout to Kickinit_Sofia for helping me even tho i'm hella annoying ;))

as always thanks for comments and votes guys!! hope yall like this one, lots of leolivia

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I kissed Leo—no, Kim kissed Jack—on the last day of filming, the last episode of season three, the first kiss between the two so far. I was supposed to be Kim, but when I felt his lips on mine I couldn't help but be brought back five months before then, a flashback to stupidity and impulse.

It ended too soon, though, and suddenly the reality crashed into me as soon as the cameras cut off. It was just a kiss, and not even a long one, not a deep one, just a fake one. Not only was Leo not my boyfriend, but he was barely my friend anymore. I missed him, but I never said anything.

When it was almost time to leave, I started looking around the place, and at all the people I'd grown so familiar with. It really felt like home. I knew there was a good chance it was over, a good chance I'd leave that day, and there'd be no next season, and it'd all end. Three years of my life, gone.

I said I'd stay in touch. I promised myself that. I'd talk to Mateo and Dylan and Jason all the time; I'd still see them. At least I would once I had the baby, I mean. I planned on staying home and ignoring the world for the rest of my pregnancy, but that was a separate issue.

One thing I was sure of though, was that Leo would always be in my life. He wasn't my best friend anymore, and I feared we'd never be that way again, but even if we couldn't get back to that point, we would still see each other. I had an infinite tie to him, alive and moving inside me reminding me that Leo would stick around. Because he was a good guy. He was a good guy, and he wouldn't forget me, and he definitely wouldn't forget his kid. He'd be there for her.

Her.

Ever since I found out it was a girl, I'd been imagining her.

I hoped she'd have Leo's curly brown hair. He always had it straightened for the show, but when he first walked in in the mornings it was really curly, and it was beautiful on him and it'd be beautiful on a little girl. I didn't have a lot against my straight blonde hair, though, and I figured it would be cute on her too.

Leo's eyes were hazel, and mine were a light kind of brown. I liked his eyes better so she could take those too; I hoped she would.

But in the end I decided she'd really be cute any way. Between the two of us, there weren't that many bad options. Not to sound into myself, but I wasn't ugly. I'd never been ugly. Even if I hated every part of my mind, my face and my body (at least before the baby found its way in there) never caused me any problems.

Leo said people used to make fun of the way he looked, but I reminded him of the unfortunate haircut he'd kept for about nine years of his life, saying that his good features were overpowered by that. He'd always had a pretty face too. I'd seen enough old pictures to know that.

Our kid would make all the other kids in the world look like trash.

There was a good chance I'd fuck her up, and I knew that, but even if she was mentally ruined, she'd always have the appearance fit for modeling, or acting, or maybe stripping, if that was what she wanted (I hoped not).

With all the thoughts of her running through my head, I was reminded that I still needed to tell Leo.

I told my Mom I did. It wasn't a big deal, because I knew she wouldn't talk to him, and I didn't feel like telling him yet. I didn't think he'd really care, either. I thought it'd be awkward. When we did talk, we tried to avoid talking about the baby, because we didn't know how to and it made the air feel weird between us.

Once the day ended, and we all went home, I knew there was a good chance that I wouldn't see Leo, or anyone else, for a long time. So I just sucked it up, and I approached him.

About twenty minutes before we left, I mean. I never got courage until the last few moments.

"Hey Leo," I said, walking up to where he stood.

He was with Dylan and Jason, but he didn't seem to be that involved in their conversation, so I figured I wasn't interrupting much.

"Hey," he said, smiling for a second, then letting it fade.

I took hold of his arm, pulling him to face me.

"I have something to tell you."

He looked down to my stomach, then furrowed his eyebrows. "You already told me that," he whispered.

I think he was joking. I laughed.

"Something else," I clarified. I pulled him farther from the guys, just a little so we had some sense of privacy.

"What?"

"It's a girl," I revealed, sort of timidly, but not looking away from him at all.

"What, really?"

"Yeah," I said with a nod.

"That's cool," he said, sounding genuine and surprising me.

I thought if he'd thought of it at all, he'd pictured a boy too. I wanted to know about that, so for once I actually asked. "Did you think about it at all?"

He nodded immediately. "Yeah, I did. But I didn't have a preference. Maybe one day I'll have a boy too. You know, one day really really, really really far away... when I'm married or what-the-fuck-ever. And if I don't then that's cool too."

"Everything's cool with you," I said absentmindedly, looking to the floor.

I didn't really mean anything by it, but he must have thought I did, because he looked almost hurt. Not joking, either. A real emotion that I didn't understand.

"That's not true," he defended. "Not everything."

"No, yeah, I didn't mean—"

"I care about stuff," he interrupted me, his voice angry in a vague way. He looked down to his feet.

I got it then. "Oh!" I realized. "I know! I didn't mean it like that, I just—"

"I know." He shook his head dismissively. "I know, I get it... sorry."

"It's fine," I said, shrugging. "I'm sorry."

I don't know why I did what I did next, but I don't think I really thought about it. Quickly, I wrapped my arms around his neck, standing on my tiptoes, giving him a tight hug. I smiled into his long hair that was attacking my face because it always smelled like fruit, and I used to make fun of him for it, saying he should stop using his Mom's shampoo. He'd laugh and say, 'fuck you'. But I hadn't said anything about it in a long time.

Still in a hug, I asked him quietly, "Are we ever gonna be like we were before?"

I felt him shift, and he moved his hands off my back to my arms. He pushed me away gently, so he was looking down at me again and I was looking up.

"No," he answered. "We can't be. Everything's gonna change. It already has. But we'll always be something."

I just said, "Okay."

Then fifteenish minutes later I went home. I left the place my life really started. Nothing mattered before that, because before that I was just Olivia from the Bible belt, blonde-hair, brown-eyed Southern beauty but too young and unknown to be important.

Kickin' It was my beginning.

Jason was a mentor I adored and and a millions laughs a minute. Dylan was a straightforward remark I didn't want to hear and a stupid joke to cheer me up. Mateo was a work of art I had to admire and a deep thought that gave me an existential crisis.

And I didn't know what Leo was, but I was sure he was something. Something I couldn't find words for and probably never would, because I still couldn't decide if I loved him or if I was losing my mind.