Love eternal (book 5)

Chapter 4: apologies

   I slowly slide myself back up the wall, my sweaty palms sliding against the smooth surface. Faintly in the distance I can hear the soft murmurs of concerned voices. I stagger to my feet and gradually make my way to the door with several faltering steps. The harsh sound of my heart roaring in my ears makes me stagger as my hand comes to rest on the cool metal of the doorknob. All of the voices outside of the door fall silent and I stand completely motionless. A suddenly overwhelming sense of anxiety begins to overwhelm me. What exactly do I say to the people that I unintentionally harmed?
   My mouth runs dry and my hand begins to tremble as I stand motionless in fright. There is a muffled sound and then the soft procession of hurried footsteps retreating from the door. I swallow as I struggle to form any sort of coherent thought. There is a soft knock on the door and I jump slightly in fright.
   "Yami?" Yugi whispers through the door. "Are you alright?"
   "Yugi." I sigh quietly in relief, resting my forehead against the cool wood of the door.
   "I'm here." He replies softly. "Yami, I need you to unlock the door now."
   My grip on the handle tightens exponentially and my hand begins to tremble even more profusely. "I can't do that." I choke out. "It isn't safe."
   "It would be just you and me Yami." He whispers comfortingly. "You can trust me can't you?"
   My chest grows tight as I struggle to hold back the tears that are threatening to overflow. There is so much fear coursing through my system that I can't even think straight. I feel myself begin to slide down to my knees, barely keeping myself upright by placing my hands on the door.
   "Yami?" Yugi says concernedly. "Can you hear me?"
   "I can." I answer evenly, tears slowly streaming down my cheeks as I speak. Silver droplets dripping from my chin onto the pristine white carpet.
   "Please open the door." He whispers softly, soothingly. "I just want to help you." There is a soft thud as he places his forehead against the door. "Please allow me to help the man I love."
   "Yugi." I sob. "I'm so sorry."
   "Yami-"
   "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I weep uncontrollably. "I'm evil! I always have been! I thought I could change that but it seems that you can't change what you truly are. This morning with Heba should prove it to you!" My voice crackles and wavers as I continue to ramble. "I'm a disgrace as a husband and a father. What kind of father would harm his own child?! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" My breathing becomes hurried and labored. I feel as if I am being suffocated from the inside and my fear only seems to intensify.
   "Yami." Yugi says sternly. "I need you to listen to me." I gasp for breath and claw at my throat slightly out of sheer desperation. "Are you listening?" Tears blur my vision as I feel myself begin to grow weak. There is a loud slam on the door making me jump in fright and shock. "I said are you listening?!"
   "Yes." I croak out through my ragged gasps. "Im listening."
   "You are not evil." Yugi says seriously. "That is something that you need to understand." I shake my head viciously from side to side.
   "I am! Yugi, I am!"
   "You are not!" Yugi shouts through the door. "Someone who was truly evil wouldn't feel any sense of regret about what happened this morning. You do! Does that sound like someone who is evil to you?"
   "Yugi," I whisper. "I'm scared." I place my hand over my heart and feel the racing roar that resonates within my chest. "I'm terrified. I don't want to hurt anyone."
   "You won't." He answers quickly.
   "How can you be so certain?" I gasp pitifully, my fingers clawing at the door. "Tell me how you know that."
   "Because I know you. Even when you lost yourself earlier you didn't hurt anyone." My eyes widen in surprise. "You only frightened Heba. She is completely unharmed Yami. You didn't hurt anyone." There is a moment of silence as my heart begins to slow to its usual rhythm and the intense weight on my chest begins to dissipate. The breath that I didn't realize I was holding slips past my lips quietly and with ease. Tears of relief stream down my cheeks and my body begins to grow heavy.
   "Yugi." I whisper.
   "Please open the door."
   "I think this distance is for the best for now." I murmur softly.
   "I disagree." Yugi says seriously. "If anyone can help you right now it's me." I can almost imagine his exact expression right down to the pursed lips. An affectionate smile dawns my lips as my eyes slowly slide shut as I allow myself to imagine my love. "Don't lock me out Yami. You and I are a team now remember. No matter how low you feel you are never alone." Thin pale fingers peek out from beneath the door. I stare down at them in silent wonder as they search for me. "So please don't leave me all alone."
   I gently shadow his fingers with my own. His fingers thread themselves through my own, holding onto me desperately. I smile softly at the gesture. He truly is something else entirely. I gently slip my fingers away from him.
   "Yami?" He asks concernedly. I say nothing as I reach up for the door handle and unlock the door. The click of the lock sounding through the air as I silently shuffle away from the door. There is a brief moment of absolute stillness before the door slowly swings open. Yugi's amethyst eyes look upon me with tear filled depths.
   "Hello Yugi." I murmur softly as I run a hand through my tousled locks, not even making an attempt to conceal my tear stained cheeks or my red eyes. Faster than I could even comprehend Yugi is in my arms and I allow ourselves to slowly glide down to the floor, cradling Yugi to my form securely.
   "You are not evil." He murmurs into my neck. "You are not a disgrace. You are the best thing to ever happen to me." He holds onto me even tighter. "Whatever is happening please trust me when I say that we will figure it out together. We will do everything together." I gently thread my fingers through his hair and hold him tightly to me. "Please don't be afraid."
   "Yugi." I sniffle as I nuzzle my face into his hair. His sweet scent surrounds me carrying me into a realm of love and comfort. "I'm so sorry."
   "You have nothing to be sorry for." He says seriously as he digs his fingers into my back harshly. I wince slightly in pain but remain silent. "You did nothing wrong."
   "It never should have happened."
   "Well we can't change that now, can we?" He retorts. "We will figure this out."
   "I know we will." I murmur softly.
   "Then why are you trembling?" He whispers softly into my ear.
   "Because for the first time in my entire existence I am completely terrified." My voice wavers. "I need to speak with Seth." I wrap my arms tightly around Yugi. "Please Yugi, can you get him for me?"
   "What do you want me to tell him?"
   "The truth." I say after a moment. "Don't spare a single detail."