586+ Things I Am Not Allowed to do at Hogwarts

Part Fifteen: 751- 800

<pre class="letterbox">751-I will never bring a computer to Hogwarts

752-I will never use PowerPoint to try to explain the plot of the 7th book

753-I will never $pE@k 4 n L@Ngu@g3

754-I will never call Severus Snape, or Voldemort, n00bs

755. Victor Krum is in no way like jack sparrow.

756. I should not ask to see his kracken.

757. Voldemort is not davy jones.

758. I am not allowed to ask to see his kracken either.

759. Snape has no interest in going down 'to the paradise city, where the grass is green

and the girls are pretty' and i should stop sending invitations to aforemention place

760. I will not run up to faculty and slap them with fish, no matter how humorous the

results.

761. Under no circumstances am I allowed to sing the entire soundtrack of ANY Rogers and

Hammerstein musical in public

762. -And if I do, broadcasting it over the entire school results in extra consequences.

763. Despite how interested I am in Werewolves I am not allowed to replace Professor

Lupin's Wolfsbane with water in order to track his transformation.

764. - Nor am I allowed to remove it for the purpose of becoming a Werewolf as well.

765. Despite how much I like dogs, putting a leash on Professor Lupin us inappropriate.

766. I will not call proffesor trelawney "phsycadelic" or "tubular"

767. -or snape SO pissed!

768. I am not to insist that 'Sweeney Todd' has set up shop in the owlery and that Dobby is

moonlighting as 'Mrs. Lovett'.

769. Dobby is also not looking for 'his precious'

770. After an arguement with Harry I am not allowed to comeback with "Go cry to your Mama "

771. Hogwarts is not holding auditions for America's next top model and I should stop

telling the first years otherwise.

772. Hermione doesn't find it amusing to have her notebooks charmed to chorus

'Hermione Weasely'

773. -Or 'Hermione Malfoy'

774. Dressing up as the muggle George Washington and attempting to chop down the

Whomping Willow is not advised.

775. Claiming the voices inside my head made me do something is not an anadequete

excuse for anything.

776. Nor is claiming my evil twin Larry did it.

777. Dumbledore does not wish to participate in my amateur porno and I should stop asking.

778- I am ABSOLUTELY not allowed to enchant Umbridges shoes to make them clop like

hoofs when she walks, no matter how much Fred would have loved it.

779- I am not allowed to send an owl to Mrs. Weasley and ask where Fred's hand on her

clock is pointing....thats just mean.

780- I am not allowed to buy Voldemort a poodle and paint it's fur pink.

781- I am not allowed to kill said poodle in his sleep and hang its bloody carcass

from the ceiling of Voldemort's bedroom.

782- I will not use Veritaserum on Snape to confirm our suspicions that he is, indeed, a virgin.

783- Conversely, I will not use the above-named potion to find out just how many

times he's pleasured himself while using Legilimens on Harry and watching him see

Lily in the mirror of Erised.

784- I will never, ever, EVER serenade Draco Malfoy with "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic."

785- I will tell Luna Lovegood that if and only if she consumes poison mead, she will

be able to see Nagrles, Wrackspurts and other such creatures with the naked eye.

786- I will not steal Luna Lovegood's bottlecork charm.

787- I will not ask Dean Thomas if 'Jesus was a brotha.'

788- I will not ask Professor Telawney if she supports the legalization of ANY drug.

789- Or if she is a vegetarian.

790- Or if she can see auras.

791- I am never to break Mr. Weasley's heart by telling him that rubber ducks do not have a

'function' per say.

792- No one is to EVER EVER EVER play music by Justin Bieber, in Hogwarts or anywhere

else for that matter.

793- I am not allowed to play the line: "But that was when I ruled the world" from

"Viva La Vida" by Cold Play for Voldemort.

794- I am not allowed to sell Pool Passes to the First Years and tell them the pool

is on the 7th Floor.

795- I will not ask Filch how often he turns into a cat

796- Nor if he does so to get with Mrs. Norris.

797- I will not ask how he changes, hes a squib.

798- I will really not ask if Mrs. Norris is good in bed.

799- I will not point and laugh at Harry, exclaiming how all the death threats

Trelawney made were actually true.

800 - Professor Snape does not find the phrase "Lockheart is my baby daddy"

remotely humorous, especially when written on any of his belongings.</pre>