Treasure Hunt (boyxboy)

Treasure Hunt | Thirty-Seven

     "He's not her father, you even said it yourself! He doesn't have a choice in her life!"

     "But she has a choice in her own!"

     "Not when she's seven years old! Not when her biological father is a rapist! Dalton, think about what you're saying!"

     "I know what I'm saying! What I'm saying is that one day she's gonna be curious enough to go find him and I'm not gonna have the right to say no!"

     "So what are you saying? That you're just gonna arrange what? 'Daddy-daughter days' for the two of them? Maybe he can pick her up and take her to school, maybe he can take her to her dance recitals, hell maybe he can even walk her down the isle when she gets married."

     "Why are you being this way?" I shrunk back.

     "Why am I being this way? Why are you being this way?! Are you even hearing yourself, Dalton! I'm the one who does everything for her! I was there during your pregnancy, I was there when she was in the born, in the NICU, I'm her father! Not him! You're acting like he has some sort of right to her all of a  sudden just because they're blood. New flash, Dalton, it's the boy that makes the baby, it's the man that raises it." With that, he went out the back door, slamming it shut.

     Ariel ran in the kitchen, then, "What the hell was all of that?" She demanded, clearly just having been woken up.

     My mouth trembled as I forced myself to sit in one of the bar stools. "We got in a fight." She didn't say anything, just looked sad. "It's not like I want Treasure to know her biological father. But at the same time, one day she'll be eighteen. She knows Loran isn't him, she's already curious. She's already asking questions that I don't have answers to. I don't know what to do."

     "You still have eleven years before she's eighteen. Until then, she's yours. She's under your lock and key. Loran's just mad because he doesn't understand, Dal."

     "Doesn't understand what, though? He said it himself, he takes care of her, he's her father, so what makes me out to be the horrible person? Because I didn't stop them that night? Because I didn't try hard enough to protect myself from them? What doesn't he understand? Because I did try! I did try to get them to stop! I did try to yell for my brother! I tried to yell for Peter! For Drew! For Harry! For Abbie! I yelled for anyone and everyone. But did anyone come? No. I tried as hard as I could to keep them off of me but that didn't work. Maybe I should have just -" The last part was supposed to come out quieter than it did.

     "Should have just what?" She demanded. "Should have just killed yourself? Is that really what you were gonna say, Dalton? Because let me tell you some shit, Dalton. What about your daughter? If you killed yourself, you wouldn't have just killed yourself. If you had, there would be no Treasure. Zach would probably be with Ava's because Loran would lose his mind because he loves you so, so, so, so fucking much! Your parents, your siblings, what would they feel? They'd feel horrible that they couldn't help you - God, imagine Peter's guilt if you killed yourself. Do you think he'd be able to live with himself? Killing yourself doesn't end your pain, Dalton, it doesn't solve your problems. It passes the fucking buck on to someone else!" Without another word, she stormed up the stairs, making sure to stomp harder with every step.

     I dropped my head on the table.

     "When were you going to kill yourself?"

     I picked my head up after a few minutes had passed. He was much more somber now, leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest. "About a month after it happened." I replied, weakly. "I was so tired of the memories coming back and I just wanted them to stop."

     "What stopped you?"

     "You know when Ariel was in seventh grade, her brother was a senior. Something happened to him, I don't remember what it was, but he didn't handle it well. He skipped school that day and when Ariel came home, she found him hanging in his bedroom."

     "I didn't ask about Ariel's brother. I asked about you. What. Stopped. You." He emphasized every word.

     "I got in the tub, and I had a razor. I'd thought about it for weeks and weeks, and I was so sure I was ready to do it." I stared blankly at the counter top. "I put it to my wrist, ready to pull it along and I just...didn't. I don't know why I stopped myself, but I'm so glad I did, Loran." I didn't think I had anything in my left to let out, but I was proved wrong. Loran made his way to me. He gently scooped me up under my legs, one hand on my back the other on my legs, and he began to carry me. "What are you doing?" I asked, scared, and I didn't know why.

     "You'll see." Was all he said.

     He carried me to our room and laid me on the bed. He took his shirt off and grabbed my hand, placing it over his heart. "I took a bunch of pills when I was eighteen. I was upset with my life. I didn't want to live it anymore. Not even two minutes after I swallowed the last one, I got a text from Ava. She was twelve weeks pregnant, I was gonna be a dad. And I sat there for a few minutes, but God, it felt like a life time, and thought about what I'd just done to myself. What I'd just done to that baby that wasn't even born yet. I went and I forced myself to throw up before going to the hospital to tell them that I needed my stomach pumped for making a horrible decision that wasn't going to affect just me, but my my parents, Logan, my girlfriend, my unborn baby."

     "I love you, Loran, I really do. You know you're her dad. We've talked about this so many times."

     "Then you know why I want to protect her. Why I don't want her anywhere near him."

     "But that's just it, Loran, one day that choice won't be yours to make. It won't be mine to make. Once she's eighteen, it's all her."

     He didn't say anything. Instead, he stroked my cheek and then kissed my forehead. "I know."