Beast ;)

Trial and Abandonment

It would be okay.

It had to be.

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Sirius plopped down by his old buddy Moons.

“So, you’re a free man huh?”Remus said softly.

Sirius nodded. The two sat in silence for a while. Finally, Sirius broke it. “Are you okay? With Rika?”
Remus nodded. “I will be…”

“Tomorrow’s the moon.”

Remus closed his eyes. “…You stay here with Rika. I’ll go.”

“You don’t want to change with her?”

“I can’t. What if my wolf tries to exact revenge on Greyback by hurting her? Until I’m one hundred percent at peace with her parentage, I can’t change around her.”

Sirius nodded, taking a long drag of his firewhiskey.

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People in the house tried not to stare. They really did. No one really treated me that differently, but I could tell that in the back of their minds, all they could think about when they saw me was my father.

I spent most of the day outside, running to burn energy. Towards dusk, Sirius came out and led me to the room where I’d change. Remus was nowhere in sight. My stomach clenched, feeling queasy, but I kept up my internal motto of ‘everything will be okay.’

I spoke to Sirius without turning. “You should be with Remus.”

“Remus is a big boy, he can handle himself.”

“Remus has worse transformations than mine. He needs the distraction more than I do.”

Sirius was silent, obviously indecisive.

“Go to him Pads. You’ve both been through a lot mentally with this whole trial thing; it’s bound to have brought up some bad memories for him that his wolf will not deal with well.”

Sirius sighed. “I don’t want you to be alone either.”

Forcing a smile on my face, I finally turned to him. “I’m not a baby Pads. I’ve been doing this since I was born. Do you see how many scars I bare? Not many. Not many at all. And how many does Remus bare?”

Sirius winced. Victory was in the bag.

“He needs you more, so go.”

He stepped forward, giving me a quick hug, and left.

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Tonight was one of the worse transformations of my life. As a human, I could block the hurt of Remus’s absence, of his stiffness towards me. I could rationalize it away, or convince myself that as soon as he got used to it, everything would go back to normal.

As a wolf all I felt was raw abandonment.

Burning cold spread through me, ripping pained howls from my throat. My pack was gone. I was alone.

Alone.

Scared.

Cold.

In pain.

Angry.

But the wolf wasn’t angry at Remus for his absence; it was angry at me.

Out of my control, my claws sliced my flesh, teeth ripping at whatever skin they could get to. I slung myself in to walls and doors, slamming myself to the floor.