Mind of a Teen

Night thoughts

The interesting conclusions my mind shows after any given scenarios is what keeps me awake at night. I do not understand how from a simple "Hello" from Andy my mind went into the day we are happily together in a 2 year relationship, me hiding him under my bed when my parents come in and the adrenaline of them discovering what we have been doing rushing through my veins. How exactly a simply hello lead to this imagination I do not know. What I do know is that I have a Biology test tomorrow first thing and sleep would really help right now. But my thoughts keep wandering, I cannot keep from thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking. For example, today when Mr.Crulington commented on my shirt being "inappropriate" that was rude of him. I don't know why I didn't say anything. I could've, I definitely could've. If he did the same thing now I would've been like: "excuse me? This is a private school and I have the right to wear whatever I want, especially since this shirt is not even inappropriate, and the fact that you say it is shows how you are sexualising my body and that is not something a teacher should do to the student, therefore no, I will not change my shirt into this ugly long sleeved cleavage free thing you have prepared for me" Something along those lines. But of course, I didn't say that. Ugh. Why can't I just fall asleep and relax and wake up more or less alive tomorrow. Its not like I really studied for the test anyway, I mean I kind of did, but not really. I always do that, I say this time I will study but then I don't. Lets see, I know what biodiversity is...or do I? I mean I know what it is but I don't know what it is. Ugh. I wish I had a boyfriend. Well, theres this guy I've been talking to..his names Matt.. he's funny and all but I don't know.. its weird. Anyways, I kinda want to embrace my slutfull self, but the thing is, I don't know if I can. I wish I wasn't a virgin, because then I could most definitely go out and have tons of one night stands with random hot strangers. But its not like I wanna lose my virginity to a random stranger, or do I?...no, no I don't think I do. The concept of virginity is so weird anyways, like why does it matter? But it does tho. The only reason I wanna do it...is..is well to open the door to doing it more. Anyways, like I said, I can't be a slut because making out isn't really slutty now is it.. and I know what you're thinking..theres so much more between the kissing and the fucking, but heres the thing, been there done that..and did not like it a bit. Well, probably because the 2 times I did it I was completely wasted and the guy kept pushing me down. Gross. Anyhow, why am I still thinking about this bs and not trying to fucking sleep. UGH. My life is honestly so boring, I just want a party where I can get freaking wasted and arghh... but I also want a boyfriend but I know for a fact that Andy is a fucking fuckboy, like..does he like me?? He always faking flirts with me but thats about it. Well he's my friend, and I guess Im crushing af on him. Ugh. I need to sleeepppppppp.