I'm Alive: An Aaron Tveit Fic

Chapter 13

"So why are we going to your old job?" Jordan asks as we pull into the lot, "because I got an idea for a movie a week ago and want to run it by some of our execs and writers." "Oh my god, that's amazing Jill. I bet people also wanna see Addy don't they?" I shake my head, "no, nobody here ever really cared about me all that much." Jordan apologizes and I shrug it off, "it's not like I was here for friends, I was here for my job and I did it well, one of the best." We get out of the car and Jordan takes Addy in the stroller.

"Hey Jill, long time no see." One of the execs gets up from his desk to hug me, "yeah, too long. I actually want to run something by you and a couple of our best writers if that's okay." "Sure, I'm always glad to hear your ideas." I explain it to him and our writers and they all hated it, I left immediately after because I have no idea what to do now. "Jill, I'm so sorry. Do you want to go get some lunch or something?" I just stare straight ahead, "can you take me back home? I'm gonna call Aaron."

"Aaron wants me to stay with you so if you need help with Addy or something until he gets here. Is that okay Jill?" I nod and flip through the movie channels looking for something, anything to inspire me. "How about we watch Arrow? That's your favorite show isn't it?" I nod and Jordan goes over to my DVDs and grabs season 2, my favorite season. I guess I fell asleep at some point while watching it because the next thing I know my head is on Jordan's shoulder and Aaron is knelt down talking to him. I open my eyes and Aaron jolts up to sit next to me, "hey baby, are you okay?" I just shrug my shoulders and Jordan removes his arm from around my shoulders and Aaron pulls me into him. I don't know what it is but I just break down, "I'm gonna head out, I'll see you guys next week. I love you Jill." Jordan leaves and I just grab Aaron tighter, sobbing harder. "I can't do it anymore Aaron, I can't do this!" He rubs my back and places soft kisses on my head, "baby relax, take a deep breath. Don't let your anxiety take over." I try to breathe in and out but I soon become unable to breathe. Aaron pulls away from me and rubs my back while trying to do breathing exercises with me. "I'm gonna go get you some water, just relax and keep trying to breathe okay?"

"Jordan I need you to get back over here, Jill is having another anxiety attack and now Addy is crying." I keep having trouble breathing so I take sips of the water Aaron brought, "baby look at me okay? Focus on me, nothing else right now." I grab his arms and try to remain conscious because I can feel myself getting lightheaded. A few moments later Jordan comes in, "Jordan can you please stay with her while I go check on Addy?" He comes over to where I am, "yeah of course." Aaron runs upstairs and Jordan rubs my arms trying to relax me, "just block out all the noise Jill, just focus on your breathing." Aaron comes back down with the baby and Jordan takes her into the kitchen as Aaron comes back over to me, "baby what do you need? I can get you anything you need." I am able to get out a few words, "I just want to sleep please." Aaron goes to get my anxiety pills and then some Nyquil to help me sleep. He picks me up, "come on honey, let's get you up to bed."

Aaron's POV

"I don't know what to do man." Jordan and I are sitting in the kitchen having a couple of beers while Addy and Jill sleep. "Have you taken her to the doctor?" I shake my head and then take a sip of my drink, "I will tomorrow, this isn't something she should have to go through. She hasn't held Addy in 4 days. Addy is only 3 weeks old. Do you know what she told me last week? She said that she didn't breastfeed Addy because she knew her anxiety would come back. She was so upset."

Jill's POV

The next morning I wake up to Aaron wrapping an arm around my stomach, "Aaron, can you move your arm?" He sits up, "why baby? What's wrong?" I shrug my shoulders and start to tear up, I have no idea why I'm so emotional lately. "Jill, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." "No, it's not you. I guess I just don't really feel pretty or anything and it feels weird to have you doing that. I don't know. It's stupid." He leans down placing his head on my shoulder, "it's not stupid. I called a doctor last night who I think can help you out with how you've been feeling lately." "Really? When do I go?" He grabs his phone from the nightstand, "actually she will be here in about 30 minutes if you want to take a shower."

"So Jill, when did you start feeling like this?" "The last week of my pregnancy since." Aaron puts a hand on the small of my back, "she's just had a lot of anxiety since and it's cutting into how she's been feeling lately." The doctor speaks up, "I figured that's what it would be when Aaron called me. You have postpartum depression. You just need to surround yourself with things that make you feel good, get out of the house, take a trip somewhere new. Find something that can make you feel like yourself again. Aaron told me that you are a filmmaker?" I nod and then get a feeling in my stomach, "well, I used to be. I haven't had a good idea in 2 years." "Have you thought about starting back small? Maybe talking to some other companies?"  Aaron moves his hand to the back of my neck, lightly rubbing it, "I can't go to another company, Lionsgate has been my life since I was 13." She jots something down and then looks up at me, "how long have you been off work?" I shrug my shoulders, "about 2 years, why?" She looks at me intently, "how about you try taking the next 6 months off, try some new things, find some new inspiration. Then if you are able to go back to working on films, do it. But I'd like to have a session with you every 2 weeks, I can come to you since that would probably be easier." We set up days and she leaves.

Aaron and I are hanging out in our room while Addy takes a nap, he wanted to just lay down and talk with me since we haven't done that in a while. We lie down on our sides facing each other, his hand slowly tracing my arm. "So, what do you want to do about this? I want you to be happy again Jill." I give him a small smile as a tear runs down my cheek, "baby don't cry, look at me. We will figure this out together, okay? How about I make you a nice bath and get some Chinese takeout?"