Mistakes

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I love this picture⬆️⬆️😂

••Lily's pov••
I'm two fucking years clean! Two fucking years that I didn't feel like cutting and now I do, I feel it. Why? I don't really know.
Maybe it would be better if I just hadn't seen Jack...then I wouldn't have to know that he cared..or that he was getting married.
I'm kinda pathetic. I should be happy that he's happy. I mean don't get me wrong, I am but I still have a crush on him. Crushes are childish though! I'm 19 I  need to stop...ugh

I walked into my room and shut the door. Then I heard Mark knock on the door, of course!
"Lily are you ok? Let me in please"

I took a deep breath and acted like I was ok,"I'm fine Mark, I just need some time alone! Ill be out in a minute"

"Well okay then, are we still gonna record?"

"Yeah!"

I plopped down on my bed and cried silently. I don't want Mark to get worried cause then he'll tell mom and then mom will tell dad and then dad will send me back to therapy and I don't want that.

I walked into the bathroom and grabbed my old razor that I used to use to cut. Should I do it...
I leaned against the sink and held it to my wrist, I pressed down and cut.
Two years down the drain.
I didn't deserve to be happy anyways.

I didn't stop until there was no where else to cut on my right wrist, then I moved to my left wrist.

I cleaned the cuts and then washed my face and redid my makeup. Time to record another video.
Time to fake being happy again.

I walked into marks recording room and sat next to him, "alrighty lets record" I said and clapped my hands.

He smiled and gave me a hug "so how was your talk with Jack?"

I tried to smile "it was great I guess"

"Your lying"

"No"

"Yes, your eyes aren't happy like they usually are"

"How do you know? Do you talk to my eyes? If so can you tell them to stop fucking watering when I put mascara on cause that's annoying as shit" I joked

"Lily... You're my sister. You're my best friend, I can tell when you're not ok, please tell me"

"I'm just fine Mark, please don't worry"

"You have to tell me"

"Can we just record please"

Mark shook his head "whatever"

"What do you want to play?"

"We are gonna play gta if that's ok with you"

"Sure" I said as I grabbed the controllers.

We played for about an hour and then turned the camera off.

"So what do you want to play for your channel?" Mark asked while editing his video.

"Uhm...I don't know, Happy Wheels?"

"Okay that sounds good, let me just edit and render this video and then we can start.