Mistakes

A nice, happy family

It's 12:56 now and I can't wait to meet them but I'm also very nervous. I sat and listened to music to calm myself down and then I saw Elise walk in so I took my earbuds out, "lily, Mr. And Ms. Fischbach and their son are waiting downstairs to meet you. Are you ready!?"

I jumped up and straightened myself out, "yeah! Let's go"

I followed her downstairs and then I saw the family. The mom looked really pretty and happy, the dad was taller than the mom and had a serious but happy facial expression and their son looked like he was nice and happy.
They are just like the happy families that you hear about in books or movies but this one is real, it's standing right in front of me.

I walked up to the mom and held out my hand for her to shake but she pulled me into a tight hug.... I haven't really been hugged by anyone before, only Jack. I stiffened up and then relaxed and hugged back, this is what happy families do...right? Yeah..I think so.

She pulled away from the hug and smiled, "I've heard so much about you lily, I'm Mary, Mary Fischbach, and that's my husband John, and my son Mark. I shook both John and Mark's hand.

Elise motioned for me to sit down and I sat down across from the Fischbach family at a table, and I did so.

"Okay, so are there any questions that any of you would like to ask lily to get to know her, you can ask her anything, well anything that she's comfortable with, she's had a hard life" Elise said taking a seat next to me.

I looked down at my hands. Why am I so nervous? They are just people. I shouldn't be this nervous. Should I answer all their questions? Even ones about me self harming? Should I tell them about Jack...no that's probably irrelevant. I took a deep breath in and then out. I've always had really bad anxiety but it feels worse right now.
Screw it I'll just answer all their questions honestly, that will probably scare them off but oh well. If they want me then they have to know that I come with a past, and it's not a good one.

I lifted my head up and looked at Mary, "I'm fine with anything, I'll answer any questions that you have" I tried to force a smile which probably looked stupid.

Mary looked at John and then to me, "When did it start, you know...the beatings"

I took another deep breath and answered, "probably around kindergarten, before that it was all verbal but, kindergarten and forward it was physical and it got progressively worse throughout middle and high school" I felt like crying but I won't. I can't. Not in front of them. Not in front of anyone.

Mary took a breath and then grabbed my hand from across the table "I'm so sorry that you had to go through that"

I tried to smile again "it's fine, I told you guys I'll answer anything and I will"

Mark looked at me and then asked "when was the first and last time that you self harmed and why?". Mary looked at Mark angrily and let go of my hand.

This question is not one that I want to answer truthfully but I don't lie. I felt the tears try to come out as I tried to spit out a word. "Sixth grade.... Because that's when the beatings got worse and so did the verbal abuse, that's also when I lost my childhood friend", I wiped a tear off my face, "he didn't die or anything he just said that I wasn't happy any more and..left I guess... That had a major impact on me because he was my only real friend... The last time I self harmed was............ Uhm..last week..because "
I started silently crying. I'm disappointed in myself for still cutting.

I felt arms wrap me in a warm hug. It was Mark, he was sitting next to me now..hugging me. Why? I put my arms around him too and leaned on him and cried into his chest, "I'm sorry, you guys probably think in crazy or something... I-I swear I'm not... I-it's just so hard sometimes, I'm so sorry"

Mark hugged me tighter and whispered "it's okay, it's fine, I believe in you... You'll get better"

I looked up at him "w-why do you b-believe in me? Why d-do you care"

"Because you're going to be my sister, sometimes people just need someone that cares, and I wish I knew this before...but I won't make that mistake again...I won't let you get hurt"

A little confused now, I looked over at Mary and John who were now crying too. I wiped my eyes and looked at them "w-what's w-wrong"

It took Mary a second to calm down before she answered, "Marks older sister, Katie, she w-wasn't so lucky, when she tr-tried it worked" she cried and hugged John. "We heard about you and we thought that maybe we could help you not make the same mistake" john said while looking me in the eyes.

Mark was slightly crying now too so I hugged him tighter "I'm sorry". They understood, their daughter committed suicide. They can handle me right?

Mary looked up at me and smiled even though she was crying, "lily, do you want to come to California with us, p-please "

I smiled happily, I'm actually happy right now, "of course"

We all stood up and they hugged me.
Today I learned that even the happiest looking people might have a hard past.

Is this what a happy family feels like?
I have a feeling that life will be better now.