The Bitches Bible

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER TWO 

'' I'm gay too''. Three words I thought I could never say to anyone. All my childhood I kept thinking how I would 'come out' to someone and when would the time be right. I feared that when I did, what would my family and friends say? Would they accept this part of me? Would they care? Would I be rejected? And of course, my smart ass self, why should they have an opinion about MY PRIVATE LIFE anyways? But at that moment, I decided it was time to release something that I had been dwelling on for years.  

As soon as I confided in Anthony, quickly he began to tell me about this 'new world' he discovered where we could go to gay bars and hire escorts. Being raised under a conservative environment, the first thing I thought when I heard about gay bars was: FUCK YEAH! But the escort part was a bit too wild for me. Something about hooking up AND paying for sex was something that I did not find appealing at all. In fact, I was disgusted by it. I longed for a relationship. I actually bought into that Hollywood love story where two strangers meet, not precisely at Bloomingdales and then go over to Serendipity for a ''frozzzen Hot chocolate''. Nonetheless, I did want romance and a little more than just a one night stand.  

We started going out, and meeting people who were also gay. You must know, in our city, gay is something not acceptable. You must do everything in a Al Capone undercover type of way. Talking to these people and seeing how liberating it was to actually have others on the same boat, I felt at ease. I did not however, had any type of sexual encounter or even share a kiss with anyone. I wanted to save myself for the right one. Call me naïve, but I really did want the whole thing and find that person who would make me feel that feeling that I had heard all along but never came close to: love. 

After many nights of going out, I decided that I did not want to go to New York. I felt that I could wait a little longer and try to figure out if Political Science was what I wanted to study. In English, what this meant was, ''I want to stay home where I can party and do whatever I want''. My parents agreed and so I stayed. 

As usual, going out and spending time with new friends, I became bored and kept dwelling on the fact that I needed a change. I would tell Anthony that partying was getting old, and that maybe I had made a mistake by staying. I emphasized that these people we were meeting were big time bums, and I wanted to meet people who actually HAD a future, instead of surrounding myself by people who were more interested in my wallet than anything else. 

I decided to start working with my parents and cut down on my night outs. Anthony, on the other hand, was out of control; spending lots of cash on hiring escorts and buying online porn. I was pretty amazed of how absorbed he was by this erratic behavior. I decided it was time for an intervention and give him a heads up on what was happening. After much debate, I called him and said we should meet for dinner. He accepted. 

As I was getting ready to go to dinner with him, I was thinking about how to approach the subject and try to get through to him. Nothing came to mind in that moment so I figured that if I didn't help him out, at least the free dinner would make up for it. Arriving at the restaurant, I see Anthony and right next to him is this thin, small, weird guy who went by the name of Nadim. He was close friends with Anthony for many years. I had met him previously and disliked him for being particularly weird and quiet. First thing on my mind was ''Oh shit! Now we won't be able to talk with this douche sitting here''. I said hello and gave Anthony my pissed off look and sat. After ordering water (that's how pissed I was. I wasn't even thinking about food), Nadim said he wanted to share something with the both of us. He too was gay. It did not come too much of a shock to me considering he was strange and distant from people. But I decided to go along with the whole "I CANT BELIEVE IT" shit. He then went on to say that they had both hired two escorts to have sex in front of them. At that moment in time I thought to myself ''What the FUCK?" 

I knew there was something terribly wrong going on, but listening to them going on and on about how much sex they were having and how I was the one who was trapped inside a world that didn't exist. Was this behavior acceptable? Was paying for sex and spending money on porn the way to live? They continued to tell their stories, and I was trying to keep up with all of the things they were saying. Two things ran through my mind at the end of the evening: Should I get away from them or should I help them? 

Stupid me, decided to help them. Oh... so long, innocence.