The Gay Gatsby

Chapter 32: Episode VI: Return of the Aly

"Chance . . . You're right."

But I couldn't do it. Because a bigger part of me was screaming much more loudly than that of my naïve kindness; Don't listen to him - all that comes out of his mouth are lies and you know it.

I clenched my jaw along with my fingers, trying to block out all the noise of my internal conflicts.

"You're right, Cha."

The nickname made my breath catch in my throat. For such a long time, the term - of what I had assumed was - endearment, had made my my heart flutter and head spin. But now, Callaway kept spitting out the term as a blatant insult; sneering it in condescendence. It made me feel like a child. And I would not fall for it.

"And I am so sorry."

The words made everything around and within me stop. The world that had once been spinning around my being, had stilled in time and had become eerily silent. All that could be heard was the shallow beats of my heart and the deep heft of my breath.

The apology was all I could ask for.

And yet, it supplied me nothing.

Callaway looked at me with vibrant emotion painted in his eyes; emotions that I had never bore witness to before. His apology oozed of sorrow and sadness, each words tinged with a shaky breath. Callaway had spoken it in whisper, almost as if he were scared of showing the fact that he was feeling.

And though clearly full, heartfelt and emotion-ridden, I had no choice but to doubt him. For Callaway had lied to me about so much; upheld an empty facade for his own selfishness. I had no idea what extents he was willing to go to manipulate me. I had no means of knowing whether or not his words held truth.

But every ounce of my being wanted so much to believe it.

But people lied; I had just lied.

And though Callaway might seem broken, it was probably due to the blow on his self-worth - nothing but a manifestation of selfishness. But even in that regard, it was a cruel retort; undeserving of anyone, even someone like Callaway. And it pained me to think that something so malicious would leave my mouth in regards to him; the boy I still loved.

Everyone deserved to be loved, no matter the technicalities. And telling someone that no one would ever love them?

I could feel myself shiver in disgust, heart and mind freezing in complete repulsion; repulsion at myself and what I did.

And in that moment, I hated myself as I had never hated myself before.

And yet, all I could say was:

"No."

And I stalked out, not wanting to spend one more second looking at the somber face of the dark-haired boy.

___________

"Wait, what happened?"

I felt myself cringe as the voice screeched through my phone.

"Please, Aly - I'll tell you, but just . . . come over. I'd rather do this in person," I explained, voice frail.

The line went silent for a few seconds, small breaths conspicuous on the other side.