Amish Jedi: In a City Far, Far Away

Episode 10.1 ~ Sandy Cheeks

She takes me in for a moment before glancing past me. "Could you wait in the hall for a moment?"

"Zia," John says more desperately, "please let me explain."

"Hall," Jason barks. 

There is a moment of tense silence before the door shuts. Moments later, Jason kneels in front of me, staring at me intensely. "Did he hurt you?"

Another sob chokes me, and I shake my head. 

Megs stands behind him biting her lip. "What's he doing here?"

Jason hands me a box of tissues and fills a glass of water. 

I go through three tissues and down the whole glass before I am calm enough to answer. By that time, Megs and Jason are sitting at the table with me. "He left the Amish."

"And that's a bad thing," Megs probes. 

I nod. "His family will be forced to shun him. He'll never be able to go home again unless he recommits to the Old Order."

"But you're allowed to go home?"

"I didn't get baptized. He committed and he broke that commitment." I shake my head. "He should have stayed."

"But... he loves you."

I glare at Megs. "He should have thought about that sooner. Before breaking my heart and his parents' hearts. Do you have any idea what this is going to do to his family? To mine?"

Megs's eyes are wide as saucers. 

"We don't," Jason says. "But we can understand."

I glance over at him. "What do I do?" My stupid eyes cloud again. 

"I can't tell you that."

I dab my eyes with a fresh tissue. "Let him in."

Jason stiffens. "He can stay with me."

I shake my head. "I need to talk to him, face-to-face."

"Are you sure you don't want to wait?" Megs says. "You're a mess."

"I won't be able to sleep anyway. Might as well get this over with now."

Jason reaches over and pulls my hand into his, squeezing it tight. "You don't have to do this."

"I do."

"Let me tell him. He'll be on the next plane home."

I wipe my eyes again. "I need to do this." I glance back at Megs. "Alone. I'm sorry." 

She pulls her robe tight. "You want me to leave?"

"No, but you have a long day tomorrow. Go back to bed."

She huffs. "Yeah, right. I'll go to Jase's."

Jason nods. "Call us when you need us."

"Or text," Megs pipes in, "in case you can't, you know, speak."

I nod. 

Megs and Jason get up. Megs hugs me and Jason brushes his fingers over my shoulder before they leave. I keep my back to the door, but I hear it snap shut and footsteps approach. I kick out the chair Jason vacated. "Sit."

John turns the chair toward me, resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together. "I'm so sorry, Zia." His expression crumples. 

Part of me hates myself for causing him pain but the other part is mad as hell. "Your mom?"

"I left a note." 

I hand him a tissue because he's annoyingly dripping from both eyes and his nose, his face a red as a beet.

"You've brought down the Ordnung on them. You turned your back on your word!" I picture the other mothers of children who had been baptized and left. The constant emptiness in their eyes. To think of good, kind, loving Ruth with those same eyes should be a sin. 

His gaze drops to the floor. He knows what I've said is true. He has done nothing but hurt more people and me even worse. "I couldn't picture the next fifteen years. Marrying someone who's not you. Knowing you've married someone who's not me. Pretending as if the past meant nothing." He looks back up at me. "They are everything to me, Zia. You are everything to me."

I stare at him and his gaze does not flinch. Everything about his being here, sitting across from me, makes no sense. Why now? Why not months ago? "What made you realize all this?"

He leans closer to me, a spark of hope in his eyes. "I was a fool. When I found out you left... I went crazy. I... I went to a singing with a girl."

This should not hurt me, but my eyes cloud again and thick tears drop onto my cheeks. 

John takes my hands in his, and I want to yank them away but I don't.

"I only did it because... I don't know... I guess I was trying to stop hurting, but it didn't work. And that's why I'm here." He chuckles sadly. "I finally realized I'm an idiot. You were right. And I should have never moved on without you." 

I retract on of my hands to wipe the tears. "I don't know what to do with this, John."

"It's late—"

"No," my lip trembles under the word, "This is about so much more than you and me. I can't just say I want you back. You ripped my heart from my chest, John, with one decision. Now you've done the same to your family with another. And to me too. Can't you see that?"

He stares at me, the tears dripping silently down his red face. "Please," he pleads as if he's not heard or doesn't care about a word of what I just said. 

I shake my head.

"I'm not going home."

"I can't tell you what to do," I sound more tired that I feel. "But you aren't staying here."

"You're going to kick me out at," he glances at his watch, "three in the morning?"

"Yep," I try to sound indifferent, but the shock on his face breaks me. "Jason has a couch. You can sleep there for the night. Talk to Betty tomorrow, maybe she'll have an apartment to rent you."

He raises a disbelieving brow. 

"I mean it, John. You are not staying here. I'll help you find a place to live and work, but after that, you're on your own."

"I'm not giving up, Zia. I'm not going to make any more decisions to separate us."

I stare up at the ceiling as the pain wells up again. "Please leave."

John gets up and walks out without another word, which means he plans on seeing me again. This should not awaken long-dormant butterflies in my stomach. It should not, but it does. Well, they might as well enjoy the exercise while they can. 

Megs and Jason return a few minutes after the door shuts behind John. I'm still sitting at the table because I can't find the strength to move.

"He's set-up on the couch," Jason assures me. 

"Thank you."

"What'd you say to him?" Megs asks, sitting beside me. 

I shake my head. "Nothing that made any difference. He's determined to wait me out."

"Do you want him to?" Jason asks, tense but calm.

I gaze up at him, knowing that he wants me to say, "No," but I tell him the truth, "Maybe."