Amish Jedi: In a City Far, Far Away

Episode 8.3 ~ SpongeBob SquarePants

I end up back in my room staring at a blank screen. Megs is still at the parade. 

The words are flowing slower than pouring Polyjuice Potion. Closing the laptop, I splay out across the bed angling my face so I can stare out the window. 

For the first time in a long time, I'm bored. Growing up Amish, there is always something to do. Even on rainy days, I had plenty of company inside to keep the "b" word far from my mind. 

God, please send Megs home soon, I say, pressing my eyes shut.

Briefly, I consider taking PM medicine, but then I sweep the idea away. I don't want to become an addict. Instead, I roll over, grab my phone from the nightstand, and dial home. 

"Zizi!" It's Maem and Daed together. They must be setting up for guests to arrive.

"Hey," my voice catches in my throat, surprising me. 

"What's wrong?" Maem asks, deep concern in her tone.

My chest burns, and I decide to follow Leah's advice. "Why'd you send me here?"

Silence. A bit of muffled noise. Then Daed's voice rings in my ear. "Zizi, Maem and I didn't want to send you, but you were... not handling things well. We... we didn't want to lose you."

I swipe at my eyes and draw a ragged breath. 

"What happened?" Maem asks.

"I'm alone," my voice is a squeaky whisper. "He's there with you," deep breath, "and I'm exiled."

"You are not exiled," Daed says sternly. "You are welcome to come home whenever you want."

"But, I'm English."

"So?" Maem snaps. "We're your parents. Nothing changes that, ever."

I don't mention the one thing that would change that because it's a moot point, I'll never get baptized into the Amish. "I hate being here."

"Zia," Daed says in his stern-calm, "we haven't heard you as happy as you've been these past few months since... since May."

I swipe my forearm across my nose, not caring that I've just smeared snot all over myself. I'll shower. "But, I'm failing..."

"Who told you that?" Maem says.

"I can't write. I'm angry all the time. I—I'm not over him..."

A long pause. "Zia Nicole. You are not a failure. The fact that you can feel anything at all after... well, after the past twenty years just tells us what we've always known about you," Maem is on a heated roll, "you're a fighter. And you're going to beat this anger and heartache, and you're going to shock even your father and myself, do you hear me?"

I sniffle. Who can't hear her right now? But how can I possibly believe what she says is true? I can't. I know myself. But, for her and Daed and even Gram and Gramps, I suppose I'll have to try. "Yeah," my response is weak and self-conscious. 

"I know you're not telling us something. And I assume it's something that wo—your aunt said. Are you listening to me?"

"Yes, ma'am." 

"You ignore that woman. She's dead wrong and one day she's going to see that, God help her. Then she's going to see you like the rest of us do," Maem lays the last word out like a period. There is no use arguing. I inherited my fiery temper from her. Still, I feel better at least knowing my parents love me, want me, and believe in me despite everything.

"How's everyone?"

Daed sighs. "Miriam is giving your sister a bath."

"Ut-oh, what'd she do now?" No use asking which sister, it has to be Ariel, or I should say Trouble.