Complicated

13.

Seeing Ashton the next day was awkward. I don't know what triggered it but all day Sunday I kept remembering all the good times we had when we dated, and how I missed it.
The night of my 16th birthday we were meant to be heading to my surprise birthday party that my mother had organised, so when we did finally show up most people had left and my mum wasn't happy. Sure enough she noticed the red marks on my neck not long after and flipped right in front of the guys. Ash was 18 at the time soon to be 19 and it was illegal for him to be dating someone under 18, defiantly illegal to be having sex with a girl who had in the last 12 hours only just turned 16... So we broke it off, and I was misrable. I hated having to see him because he was my brothers best friend, and I didn't talk to my mother for weeks until she apologised. Luke on the other hand was a little glad, because he knew how dirty minded Ash was, and how sexually active he was. He argued along side mum in order of protecting me but he soon realised that all they had done was ruined a perfectly happy relationship and made me miserable.
It took a few months until I could even begin talking to him again, because even though my mother felt awful she still didn't really want us back together if we were just going to fuck around (literally)
So we eventually got back into the swing of it, but never really moved on. The first time I kissed a guy again I went crying to Calum saying how awful I was. Same when I slept with someone. Ash got a girlfriend but I stopped talking to him hoping not to ruin it for him, but it didn't even last a week. We haven't properly been with anyone since, but we were definatly not as guilty about it as we were.

When I walk downstairs the boys are all sitting in the breakfast bar eating pancakes with my mother (who doesn't work Monday in substitute for having to work Sundays)
"Hey mum" I say and she smiles at me. I walk over to Calum, giving him a little nudge.
"Hey, you okay?" He whispers.
"Can I come over tonight?"
"Of course." He smiles, shoving another pancake into his mouth.
I walk around the boys towards the fridge beside mum who was washing the dishes until suddenly ash pulls me back, his hand around my waist. I feel my heart quicken and I spin around to look at him. He gestures to my body, and I realise the problem. I was wearing a crop top, and my bruises had started turning a noticeable green against my skin. I gasp, making my mum turn around, so ash pulls me closer.
"Anymore pancakes mum?" I rush out.
"Sorry hun...Your friends are pigs" she says with an odd laugh, probably spotting Ash's hand around my waist, actually sheilding something a lot worse.
"Oh that's okay." I say and she turns around. Ash's hand stays on my clammy skin, and I feel a lump in my throat. Why did it have to be now that I realise how much I miss dating him?
I pull away from Ash, who casually goes back to eating his pancakes as I quietly edge out of the room. My heart beats wildly in my chest as I climb the stairs, shuffling into my room onto the bed... And I simply cry.
I don't know where it came from and why it was effecting me so much, but I just begin to cry, not the loud kind just letting the tears roll down my face. I took out my phone, and scrolled back through my Instagram photos, showing all the funny photos and the cuter ones, and just crying.
I must have been sitting there a while because someone knocks on my door.
"Hey Jade, you decent?" Calum calls. I wipe the tears away and reply with the calmest voice I could manage "yeah what's up?"he enters but instantly stops moving.
"What's wrong?"
"Oh nothing, just me being an idiot. Can't get this feeling out of my head."
He walks over and sits opposite me on the bed, taking my hands in his.
"You okay though?"
"Yeah, honestly I'm just being a drama llama"
"Well your the cutest llama I know" he says making me laugh. "We're all going to go to school now, you coming with us?" He continues. I look down at my body and awkwardly chuckle
"Give me ten minutes!" I laugh, jumping off the bed, and taking my shirt off. Why did it have to be so hot the only time I can't wear a crop top.
"Jade!" He suddenly yells, jumping off the bed. I turn quickly, and he races towards me.
"Wow wow what?"
"Wha- what the hell is this?" He says quietly, lightly touching my naked waist. I look down and sigh, and he kneels down to inspect it.
"Looks like finger-"
"Hey c'mon its nothing." I interrupt, pulling away from him and grabbing a random blue top from my wardrobe. I threw it over my head but Calum wasn't having any of it.
"Who did this to you?" He asks, and someone knocks on the door.
"Sweetie everything okay?" Mum asks. "Heard cal yell?"
"I fell over mum! I'm fine!" I yell back, still staring into Calums serious gaze.
"Liam did." I whisper, pulling the shirt all the way down, and walking away from him, letting his hands drop to his side. I strip down my pyjama shorts and pull out plain denim shorts from my wardrobe.
"I- oh" he says, turning around quickly.
"Don't act like you haven't seen me naked before" I laugh, dropping the serious attitude.
"I don't know what you mean by that" he says.
"We used to shower together dumbass"
"Yeah when we were 5, there a difference now."
I walk in front of him, still in my lacy blue underwear, my hands on my hips.
"Why is there a difference? We're as close as ever" I laugh, punching his shoulder. He keeps immaculate eye contact with the the whole time and I sigh.
"Whatever hood" I say walking round him and pull on my shorts, slapping his ass when I've changed.
"Equality!" He yells and slaps mine back.