I Just Want To Call You Mine (A Cashton/Muke 5SOS Fanfic)

Chapter Eight

The car lurched forward and I saw Luke panic and quickly look at me. Everything slowed for a second and I felt myself become hyper aware. I need to stop us from crashing into anything or anyone.

I pulled off the motorway and into a rest stop. I parked the car and let my head rest on the wheel, my breathing uneven. I could still hear Calum talking to his girlfriend from the back seat.

“Yeah sorry baby, give me one second.” Next thing I knew I felt a hand on my shoulder. It had to be Calum as he was the only run to send tingles down my spine like that. “Ashton, what the hell happened? Are you alright?” Calum asked.

I couldn’t quite tell if he was pissed at me or worried. I assumed it was a mix of both. I just nodded weakly. “I think I need some air,” I said, pulling my door open and breathing in the cool air.

I walked out and propped myself on the metal bars of the rest area, looking out to the distant beach in front of me. I sighed and closed my eyes. ‘What the fuck is wrong with me? I nearly killed us all and for what? All because Calum answered his girlfriends call.

There is something wrong with me. Why am I so worked up over Calum having a girlfriend? Oh maybe because IT MEANS HE’S STRAIGHT AND HE WOULD NEVER DATE A GAY BOY LIKE ME,’ I screamed at myself.

My head dropped and my shoulders shock with silent sobs. I hated myself more than anything. I should just die. I’m not worthy to live being gay. I am so pathetic, pining for a boy I can never have.

I pulled out my keys again and looked down at them. ‘Three times in one day when I promised I would never cut again after the last incident. Well you know what they say, third times the charm.’

Just as I was about to pull the wrap off my cuts and reopen them again I heard Michael call to me. “Ash, mate, you ok?” I could hear him walking closer so I slipped the keys away again.

Michael lent on the bar next to me and looked at me sideways. I nodded slowly and looked away, out to the horizon. “Before you ask what just happened, I don’t have an answer. I guess Calum’s phone ringing distracted me and I accidently braked without thinking.”

Michael didn’t say anything, just remained silent. “Listen I’m sorry ok? I don’t know why I did it; I just got distracted and panicked. I’m not used to hearing phones suddenly go off in the car like that. As long as it doesn’t happen again I’ll be fine,” I clarified.

“Ok bro if you’re sure?” Michael asked raising an eyebrow. I nodded and looked away again. “It didn’t have anything to do with who Calum was talking to, did it?” Michael asked. I turned around, my jaw dropping.

“What? No, not at all. Just the fact his phone went off and he answered it distracted me,” I quickly covered. ‘Was Michael figuring things out? Was I being too obvious? I need to watch what I am doing and be more careful. I cannot let any of the boys know.’

Michael nodded and looked at me dead in the eye. “If you sure then ok,” he stated. I nodded firmly. “I’m sure. C’mon let’s get going. If we wait much longer the store will close and this would be for nothing.”