wander.

o n e

Lou's POV

The sky mourn with me. I can feel the drizzle on top of my head signalling that I should go home but I didn't move. I am very sure that my eyes are bloodshot and puffy now from all of my crying.

Only close friends and family attended the ceremony. The funeral was finished thirty minutes ago but I'm still here standing, staring, and crying in front of their newly buried casket.

My parents died in a car accident on their way to see their new project.

I fell on the ground on my knees in front of my parents graves, my clothes are getting soaked as the rain goes stronger.

I sob silently and my tears rolled down on my cheeks with the rain. I grabbed some grass beneath me as my cries got louder as a support, I want to punch somebody right now as I don't want to see someone right now.

"Why?!" I screamed with such agony in my voice at the stones in front of me.

"Why did you guys leave me?" My voice broke.

I stare at my parents six feet underground for like ten minutes but it feels like I've been here forever.

The daggers brutally stabs my heart over and over again. More brutal as the seconds pass.

I shiver as the wind blows. I whimper louder as I thought, when my lungs hurting with not enough oxygen.

Looking at my surrounding with only gravestones everywhere sorrounded by trees and some birds trying to find some shades, it's a lonely and very sad place just like what I'm feeling right now until don't know when.

Teeth's chattering. My hands are starting to freeze and I shake uncontrollably. I hugged myself tighter and decided to go home.

With one last cry. I stand up and brushed some mud off of my legs.

"I love you, both."

"See you soon.", I whisper to nobody but I hope they'll hear me.

I hate goodbye's, it feels like forgetting someone. And I will never forget my parents.

I hurriedly walked to my car before I break down again. I fished my keys inside my purse and run my fingers through my hair to get off them sticking on my face.

Twisting the carkey to the keyhole. I open the door and jumped on the driver's seat, not caring that I'll soak the seat and shut the door. I quickly turn on the heater and examine my face on the rear view mirror.

My mascara's smudged, one tear slipped my eye and leave a trail of black line on my face just like in the movies.

Be strong, everything will be alright. I keep convincing and telling myself.

I drove fast on the driveway, wanting to go back but I stop myself and focus on the road instead.

My vision's getting blurry because of my tears, I quickly wiped them off. And sobbed as I drove.

I gripped the steering wheel tighter, turning my knuckles white.

My phone started ringing. I slowed my car down and get my phone inside my purse quickly and look back on the road.

I looked down on my phone and saw 'Big Bro' user name on the screen. I clicked Cancel and threw my phone on the passenger seat.

I don't want to talk to anyone right now even later or tomorrow or the next day or the next, next day. I want to be alone, I want some time to myself.

And beside I'll go home anytime soon so why answer it. I know, I know he's worried about me but his questions will be answered any minute now.

I parked my car on the side way. I got out of my car and walk to the front porch.

I stopped in front of the door, I sighed heavily and twisted the doorknob.

I take off my jacket and toss it to the ground.

My brother heared me entering the house, he rushed and see me standing, making a little pool of raindrops beneath me.

His expression changed from worried to sad, his eyes are full of sympathy for me. He thinks I'm still young for this kind of feelings. I want to scream at him that I'm old enough to take care of myself and I'm strong.

But I just looked away and walked upstairs. He grabbed my arm lightly stopping me from my tracks, I look down to his arm to his face.

"Hey,", he speak softly that makes me more irritated.

I looked at him silently screaming at him to please, leave me alone.

"I don't want to talk right now."

"Please.", I added.

He slowly took off his hand around my arm.

He nodded and walked to the living room, his head hanged low.

I feel so guilty with what I act out to him. I know he's worrying about me but, it's just this feeling contains me too much, I can even handle it with myself.

I sighed heavily and walked upstairs to my bedroom.

I carelessly threw my phone and purse on my bed. The phone bounced off to the edge, almost fall out and hit the floor.

The rain still pouring down on the windows and on the roofs. The heavy ache still living inside my chest. I just hope it will gone sooner but I know it won't.

I decided to have a shower, in case it will wash away this feeling with the dirt.

Standing in front of the mirror inside the bathroom. I look horrible, pale face, bloodshot eyes, a crease on the forehead, Gucci bags under my eyes, bird nest on top of my head. A perfect costume for Halloween, an award winning.

Sighing and walk inside the shower.

I'm just standing below the shower, the water runs down on my body.

There's million of what if's and I think I'm not quite ready to accept it.

Thinking what will happen in the future without my parents. I made plans, with my parents on it but I guess, change of plans now.

Stepping out of the the shower, I reached for the towel sitting on the counter and wrapped it around me before walking in front of the mirror again.

I first dried my hair in a couple of minutes. I decided against putting on make up knowing I'll just stay on bed for the rest of the day or for the rest of my life.

I then stepped out of the bathroom and walked into my large indoor closet.

Picking up underwear and my favorite comfy pajamas. I put them on the top of the arm chair in the corner, I took off the towel letting it fall to the ground. I got dressed and checked myself one last time in the mirror.

Plopping on my very soft mattress and curled myself in a ball position, thinking how stressful this day is. And drifted off to sleep.

✘✘✘