All This Time

35 ⦿ in which i bury the hatchet

I cover his hand with my own. "I know that, Xand."

"Do you, though?" His eyes, kind, peer into mine like he thinks he can coax the words from me. "Ever since you and Wolfram started hanging out again, I've been unable to shake the feeling that there's something going on."

"It's all been pretty upfront." I nudge his knee with mine. "You helped us draw up the contracts, you know we didn't leave anything to chance. What could be going on?"

"Yeah," he says in a slow, measured voice. "I know what was written. But the emotions? Those are all between the lines."

I fall silent, not knowing what to say to his observation.

"It's okay." He bites his lower lip and places his other hand on top of mine, sandwiching me between his grip. "You don't have to say anything. Not to me."

I understand what he's trying to tell me. "You want me to tell him? How can I do that when even I don't know what I feel, what I want, what I—" I break off, seeing Graeme's frozen face behind Xander's head. A cup of steaming tea in each hand, she looks like she's trying to come to terms with something.

I offer her a faint smile, and seeing my attention drift, Xander cranes his head. "Thanks," he says, releasing my hand so he can accept the tea she mutely offers him.

"Thanks," I murmur, not meeting her eyes, unsure of how much she has heard.

She turns to go, and then, as if second-thinking her decision, she whips around. The intensity of her gaze makes my skin prickle and I glance at her, not knowing what that unidentifiable emotion in her eyes is.

"Xander," she says, and that one word encompasses it all. I'm sorry and please forgive me and thank you. The words are for me.

"Yeah?" Xander blows on his tea, looking with curiosity at his fiancée. He turns, angling himself against the armrest of the couch.

With dawning horror, I realize she's about to throw herself on her sword.

Her hands clench on the back of the couch until her knuckles go white. "About the Netherlands," Graeme begins to say, and before she can proceed, I blurt out, "It was a misunderstanding."

Her mouth snaps shut and her eyes flash fire at me. She misunderstands what I'm doing, I know, but it doesn't matter because I'm not trying to give her mercy or take away her courage. I'm giving us all a future by taking away the stigma of the past.

"You're right, Xand, there was something," I say, ignoring Graeme's mutinous expression. "But it was really silly, you know. It doesn't have anything to do with today."

"What was it?" Xander shifts his gaze between his fiancée and me, his lips pursed like he's unhappy with the fact that there's some secret only he was unaware of.

"Uh, well," I say, trying to inject some levity and humor into my words, "I guess Graeme and Wolf thought that there was something going on between you and me back then."

"What?" Xander's face relaxes and a relieved grin spreads over his face. He looks to Graeme for confirmation and when she gives him a tiny nod, he turns back to face me. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, and um, I guess that rubbed them the wrong way."

"You mean because Wolf liked you back then," Xander says, in a voice so matter-of-fact that both Graeme and I whip our heads to look at him.

"What?" I say, not recognizing the hollow quality of my voice.

Xander shrugs, reaching for Graeme's hand. At his insistent tug, he pulls her to perch on the armrest behind him. As her fingers play with his hair, he explains, "Yeah, he was really into you."

"Then why did—" Graeme stops herself before she throws Wolf under the bus.

"Did he tell you this?" I ask. "That he liked me?"

"Well, not exactly." Xander scrunched his nose. "But I could tell."

All of us fall silent, and the camaraderie of the moment is broken only when Graeme inches away from the couch. "I should let you guys talk," she says.

"Wait." I wait for regret to flood through me, but much to my surprise, it never comes. "Stay, Graeme."

"What?" She looks nervous, like it's a game. Like maybe I'm toying with her.

Even Xander looks surprised. It's no secret that Graeme and I don't really hang out, much less ask for each other's company.

"Um, stay."

"Stay?" she repeats, fiddling with her hands. Her eyes are swimming with something I've never seen before – gratitude.

"Yeah." I make sure to meet her eyes. "I want to talk to my friends. Both of them."

Author's Note: Another surprise update to apologize to everyone for being so remiss with this story! :) Hope you enjoy, and as always, I welcome feedback from you lovely readers :)