What Lay in the Dark

10. Beautiful

I sighed, walking through yet another clothes shop which might as well be empty.  

"Ailia, if you don't start trying clothes on soon, I'll start picking them for you," Mikayla threatened. 

I shrugged. "None of them would look good on me." 

Mikayla shook her head. "Your last guy must've been pretty bad." 

"Huh?" 

Mikayla led me out of the store. Instead of going straight into another one, she took me to a cafe. "Sit down," she instructed. We sat and Mikayla ordered a coffee for both of us. "Your last relationship. Tell me about it." 

I immediately felt the discomfort which came with thinking about my life with Joel. "I don't like talking about it." 

"I know, but it's still affecting you. Especially while you don't talk about it." 

I shrugged. 

"Ailia, this is what I do. I want to help, but I can't if you won't help me to understand." She stopped speaking when the waitress came with the coffee. Mikayla thanked her and waited for her to leave. "Was he abusive?" she asked. 

I nodded. 

"He hit you?" 

I nodded again, taking a sip of my coffee and wondering how much I should tell Mikayla. 

"So he made you feel special. You thought he was the most amazing guy in the world, and then he started to hit you. Yet you still thought he loved you?" 

"That's pretty accurate." 

Mikayla smiled. "It's not as uncommon as you think." She sipped her coffee. "How long were you with him?" 

"Seven years." 

Mikayla's eyes widened. "For how many of those seven years was he abusive?" 

"Four. It only started when I moved in with him." 

"And how old were you when you first got together?" 

"Eighteen." 

"I have to ask," Mikayla leant forward. "Did you lose your virginity to him?" 

I gulped. This was exactly what I didn't want to talk about. 

"Ailia, I won't judge you for anything that you tell me." 

"He kind of...forced me." 

"Oh," Mikayla leant back. "No wonder you're not very open about it." She sat in silence for a couple of moments. "Come on," she suddenly said, standing up.  

Confused, I stood and waited as she paid for the drinks. She smiled and led me into another clothes store straight to a mirror. She placed me in front of it. "What do you see?" 

"Me," I replied, taking in my perfectly boring appearance.  

"That's it?" 

There was nothing I liked when I looked in the mirror. My hair was black. It would fall in waves if I left it down, but I generally wore it up so it didn't annoy me too much. I hated the fact it couldn't decide whether it was curly or straight.  

There were a small amount of freckles on my nose and my cheeks were dimpled, which made me look like a child. My eyes also annoyed me. I could never tell if they were blue or green. My body wasn't that bad, but I felt the constant need to cover it up. It was just a reminder of the things Joel did. "That's it," I sighed. 

"Do you trust me?" Mikayla asked. 

"Why?" 

"Come on." She walked around the shop picking up random items, all of which I would never look at twice. She handed them to me.