NFL Backstage Drama (Volume 1)

The NFL: Backstage Drama- The Carolina Cougars (Vol 1 Part. 2)

Chapter 1

As Cum Newton stared out into the empty stadium, a 5-8 record was all that was on his mind.
"Man," Cum wondered to himself, "where did it all go wrong?"
It was a question that bugged him all week. At one point, Cum Newton had it all. The MVP trophy, the NFC championship, and a one-way ticket to the Super Bowl. But Peyton Manning and his Denver crew had to ruin the parade. Ever since then, almost nothing had gone right for the world's whitest and widest smile. Even his Oikos Greek Yogurt™ commercial was a bit underwhelming compared to his previous advertisements. What he needed was some stress relief. Cum entered the locker room where he found Greg Olsen up to his old tricks.
"Dude, you're in my lucky tank!" he said.
Greg Olsen replied, "There's a reason it's called a 'lucky' tank."
"MAN, I ALREADY EXPLAINED TO PEYTON AND PAPA THAT I DON'T WANT NONE OF THAT GAY ASS SHIT!"
At this point, Greg knew he wouldn't be able to seduce Cum willingly.
"Sorry, Cum," apologized Greg. "Do you want some of my special Gatorade™?"
"Sure."
Cum started feeling woozy.
"Man, what's in this... driinnk...."

Chapter 2

Cum Newton awoke with a jolt. He couldn't move, and wherever he was was too dark to see clearly.
"Where the hell am I?" he asked, not really expecting an answer. But instead of silence, a familiar voice found Cum's ears.
"Ah. I see you've finally woken up. You are in my secret chamber of pleasure."
"Greg? Why did you put me here? Why am I chained up? And could you please turn the lights on? I can't see shit in here, man!"
Greg turned on the lights, and had a naughty smile on his face.
"Ya know what, Cum? This could've been so much simpler. You could've just joined me in the lucky tank. But noOOoo, you decide to reject me like the HEARTLESS SEWER RAT YOU ARE! Now I will get what I have always deserved. A little bit of quality time with the most loved QB of 2015.
"Greg," Cum pleaded, "please don't do this. Just let me go!"
"I'm afraid I can't do that, Cum."
Greg Olsen then approached Cum with full speed and--

*I'm afraid that this part of the story would put me in jail if it went unabridged. However, I am legally allowed to provide you with a highlight reel. Here we go. 1 nude flogging, a tight end fitting in a tight end (get it?), 8 pints of Cum's cum (which were all drunk), Greg's grandiloquent gargantuan gnome grapes, and 2 and a half hours with the Cactus Jack 5000™.*

After that, Cum Newton was left a scarred man. Greg let him out, but Cum will never be able to escape what happened that night. He made a choice that would change his team forever.

Chapter 3

The next week...

Ron Rivera was watching SportsCenter with his dog on a casual Saturday morning. As he was about to turn the TV off to prepare for the next day's game, he saw a breaking news alert concerning Cum Newton. Adam Schefter was on the screen trying to hide his look of complete shock.
"This just in, Cum Newton has now announced his retirement from the NFL. We now visit with Cum, who will explain to us why he made this decision."
Ron was utterly bewildered as to what he was seeing. How could his franchise QB just retire all of a sudden? Things weren't going as well as hoped this season, but there was no hint of this! Ron needed to hear what Cum had to say. He even stabbed his dog when it wouldn't stop barking.
"Well," Cum started, "I would like to be straightforward with you guys. I was horrendously sexually abused by our tight end Greg Olsen. I am not sure if I will ever recuperate from this experience. It is for this reason I am retiring. Since there is no proof of this, there will always be a chance that I will be followed by Greg, even if I switch teams. It is with a heavy heart (and ass) that I leave the Carolina Cougars and the NFL."

Ron Rivera could not believe what he just heard. Greg Olsen sexually assaulted Cum Newton? Why didn't Greg invite him to join in? (Ron also wanted a piece of Cum, but secretly). But the worst part, the Carolina Cougars were left with Derek Asserson as their QB.

*As a sidenote, Cum Newton received an abortion two weeks after his retirement.*