Only Fools...

'Who the hell do you think you are?' - Chapter Thirty Four

'No Jess. This has nothing to do with Danny.' There he goes again, trying to wipe Danny out of the picture, out of my life. 'Do you honestly not know how I feel?' What the hell was he on about?

'How you feel about what?'

'About you, Jess. I didn't think I'd been that coy.'

I stopped. He wasn't going to say what I thought he was, was he? Please God no.

'I like you Jess, I really, really like you. I've liked you ever since I met you. Why else do you think that I've been so nice to you this whole term?'

'No you don't Matthew.' He couldn't like me. 'You're nice to everyone, you barely even know me.'

'I think I know you better than you know yourself. And you deserve more Jess. You deserve more than Danny. And I know that you like me too, I know you do. Come on, we've always been so close. Haven't we?'

'I guess.' I mumbled. 'But we're just friends. At least that's what I always thought. I'm sorry I don't - ' I stopped. My tears preventing me from uttering another word.

'It's okay Jess. Don't apologise. It's my fault, I thought you felt the same way.'

'I don't think I do, sorry.' I spoke quietly, even I didn't want to hear the words that came out of my mouth.

'Stop saying sorry.' He smiled.

I looked up at Matthew. 'I think you should go now.'

'Of course,' he turned towards the door before looking back around at me one last time. 'But Jess, if he ever does hurt you. Or if it ever doesn't work out. Then I'll still be here for you. I'll always want to be with you Jess. I'm happy to wait.'

'I think you should go.' I repeated.

As I watched him walk out the door my crying finally stopped. I just sat there, on a table in an empty classroom and thought about what my life had become. As I reflected everything that Matthew had said to me I began to wonder, was he right? Was I better off with him instead of Danny?

As soon as the thought entered my mind I regretted even considering it, even for a second. But maybe it was true. I knew that I loved Danny more than anything else in the world. But there was no doubting that us being together had a cost. If Amy ever found out what I had done to her, then our friendship would be completely over. I shouldn't even get to be with Danny. What sort of twisted karma is it that after cheating with my best friend's boyfriend the two of us both end up happily together, with no sorts of consequences. God wasn't that kind.

The mature thing to do would be to break things off with Danny. But I knew I didn't want to. In all honestly, I think I knew I would never have the guts to do it. He meant too much to me.

But of one thing I was certain, this was bound to blow up in my face at some point, no matter what I tried to do to combat it. I had committed a sin and I knew that I couldn't escape it forever.

Once I had finally stopped crying, and had gone to the toilets to clean myself up a bit. I went back into the hall where I saw Danny waiting for me.

I'd never been so happy to see him.

'Danny!' I called as I half ran, half skipped over to him. I gave him a massive hug.

'Woah.' He looked shocked that I was quite so energetic. 'Hey babe, you alright?' He kissed me quickly.

'Yeah sorry, I'm just pleased to see you. I've been going crazy just waiting around.'

'Waiting for me? Sorry if I was late.'

'No, don't apologise!' I assured him. 'Just because of technical stuff. So do you want to go get lunch?'

'Yes please, I'm starving.' He smiled at me. 'You look so cute today.'

'Shut up.' I laughed, embarrassed.

'I'm serious, Jessie. I swear I'm the luckiest guy here. I bet everyone wishes they could be your boyfriend.'

'I'm sure they don't,' I lied. No way was I going to tell him about Matthew. Knowing Danny he would start a fight and that really is the last thing I needed on my conscience.

As we walked to the canteen, hand-in-hand, I felt bad for doubting, even for a second, that we should be together. Amy was with someone else now. And Danny and I were perfect together. He was the best guy I'd ever met, and he really did like me. I'd be stupid to give that up, no matter what our history.

After getting our food we sat down and chatted meaningless rubbish. The best thing about mine and Danny's relationship was that it didn't have to always go deep. It was nice that when I was upset, he could cheer me up when I didn't want to talk about it. After laughing with him I was temporarily able to forget all that had happened with Matthew and with Amy. I so looked forward for this whole mess of a weekend to be over, so that Danny and I could go back to normal and we didn't have to worry about hiding anything in front of Amy. When it was just the two of us together we didn't have to pretend that we didn't have history. We didn't have to hide the fact that we'd done the worst thing possible. And I truly believed that that openness would lead me a lot closer to finding peace with it.

After a long while of laughing, there was a pause. Which Danny utilised to check up on me.

'I'm glad to see you laughing again Jessie, it was horrible seeing you so sad last night. I'm so sorry that there's nothing I can do. I know that what happened,' he stopped momentarily, 'what happened last year was a lot harder on you than it was me. I mean, it was hard on me, so I can only imagine how you must have felt. But we need to leave that behind us, treat this relationship as a new and separate thing. Amy's moved on and so you shouldn't feel guilty for doing the same.'

'Thanks Danny. You always manage to make me feel so much better.' I smiled at him, I wanted to kiss him and rid my lips of the taste of someone else.

'You're welcome Jessie.' He grinned, before leaning across the table to kiss me. It was short, but slow. And I savoured every moment.

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Hey gang! Sorry it's only a short one but my last upload was only yesterday so I think you can let me off haha ;)

I have a feeling that the next one is going to be a lot longer, and it will definitely be a LOT more exciting haha!!! ;)

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