Within My Bedroom Walls

She's Gone (Connor)

Now - June 24, 2013 5:32 AM 

After Isabelle's Jump.

There wasn't a thing I could do. Not even my power over the waters, my power over the wind, nothing--nothing could stop Isabelle's body from hitting it. She jumped so easily, my heart wasn't even ready to stop. Funny thing is, it stopped fourteen years ago.

I looked around for help, but I couldn't ask anyone, because they would either accuse me of pushing her into the water, or ask me who I was. And I was nobody.

I didn't know what to do. I really didn't. My heart was hurting into this indescribable pain, my head was spinning. I turned--turned around in circles, searching for anything, just one sign of peace--one sign of help. And then I spot him.

He was only about ten feet away, his eyes looked into mine with a pained expression. He looked below, looking at Isabelle's body slowly moving away within the surface of the water. I wanted to jump in the water; I wanted to save her. Even my heart thought I was a coward.

I ran over to the Scheduler, and shoved him. "You! You did this!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "You did this, didn't you?! She didn't do anything, you fucking bastard!" I kept shoving, but his body was just stiff against my touch. "She didn't do anything to hurt anyone. She wasn't a threat at all. She killed herself. Are you happy? Is this what you wanted?!"

Waste. I was a complete waste. I didn't deserve a place to stand on this world, a place on any world. Being the coward I already was, I fall to my knees. I was so close, so close to falling down with her into the water. I was so tempted to do so.

"I didn't plan this, Connor," the Scheduler whispered. "I didn't plan any of this. She wasn't supposed to die yet; she had years of life ahead of her. I didn't do this."

I slowly moved my head up, tears escaping from my eyes. "If you didn't plan any of this... then she'll become a ghost?"

He shook his head. "No... a ghost is a person who died innocent. This wasn't innocent, Connor."

"She is innocent!" I argued. "She died because she couldn't take it anymore! She died because of me! She died because she loved me!"

"But she did this herself," he simply replied.

"So?" I began to stand up again, trying to gain more masculinity. "We all do things. We all do things to ourselves, thinking it will be better. Amanda saved Will, but she's a ghost now. She did it to herself, not the killer at all. She put herself in the position to be killed, for one person." I laughed, but this laugh wasn't hysterical at all. "But Isabelle... she's different. She might have killed herself, but she saved all of us. She thinks about everyone, what they think. She makes my thoughts of the world complete. Isabelle is everything. The world needs her. But she just couldn't... take it," I growled my final words.

"This is suicide, Connor. This isn't innocent. They may seem innocent, but they're not. They killed themselves, thinking it will benefit everyone. Those who are bullied and are fighting everyday, they break. They didn't get beaten up to death, they simply did it themselves. They had a choice to not die; they had a choice to live." There was a moment of silence. "Sadly though, most suicides are meant to happen," the Scheduler whispers.

"What is it then?" I asked, more of to myself than to him. "What will Isabelle become?"

For the first time, I saw the Schedule smile. It was a small, mysterious smile, but it was hopeful. "You don't know that she's dead yet, Connor," he said, and then vanished into the night.