Relapse ★ Bucky Barnes

It's Just Not Enough

He rolled his eyes and removed her hand from his face, not at all amused. If anything, he was slightly agitated, maybe even a bit annoyed with her. He understood her reasons for resorting to alcohol, but he couldn't help but hate that she had done so in the first place. This wasn't Marlena.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Bucky chastised her.

Marlena sighed and rolled her eyes. "And this is the reason I wanted to be alone. But, then again, I guess it's my fault; I should've disappeared somewhere where I knew no one could find me, especially you."

"You're drunk," Bucky stated.

Marlena snorted. "Oh, really? I wasn't aware," she responded sarcastically, raising the bottle up to take yet another sip.

The bottle barely reached her mouth before Bucky snatched it away from her. "I think you've had enough," he said.

Marlena glared at him. "Give it back," she growled.

"No," he replied. "This isn't you."

"I'll just take it back myself," she grumbled as she raised her hand towards the bottle. It flew from Bucky's hand and back into her own, and before Bucky could even react she was downing the rest of its contents.

Bucky bit his lip to refrain from snapping at her. He was now scolding himself for not breaking the bottle when he had the chance to do so; he should have known she would retaliate using her abilities.

"Listen to me," Bucky sighed, taking her hands in his own. "I understand why you felt the need to do this, but this is in no way how to solve your problems."

Marlena pulled her hands away from him and placed them in her lap. "No, you don't understand. I needed something to take the pain away and it did."

"There are so many other things you can do, Marlena," Bucky said. "And you're not alone; you have your family, you have me—"

"It's not enough," she cut him off, running a hand over her face. "It's just not enough."

Bucky frowned and stood up. "So, I'm not enough for you? Is that what you're saying? After everything we've been through, you're saying that I'm still not enough to help you get through the pain you helped me through?"

Marlena pursed her lips and attempted to come up with a response, but she couldn't. She wanted nothing more than to tell him that he was enough, but she couldn't. At the moment, nobody seemed to be enough.

"That's a good way to make the supposed love of your life feel like they're nothing," Bucky scoffed.

Marlena looked up at him. "It's not supposed—you are."

"You sure as hell don't act like it, Marlena," Bucky snapped, earning a frown from the petite girl.

He wasn't meaning to be foul with her at all, especially not today of all days, but he just couldn't take it anymore. He wanted her to come to him when she needed someone; he didn't want Wanda to be the one to tell him every last one of Marlena's problems. He wanted to be enough for her to confide in, to vent to, and it hurt him to know that he wasn't.

"You're supposed to come to me when you need someone. You're supposed to feel as if you can talk to me about anything," Bucky sighed, swiping a hand over his face. "I love you, Marlena Claire, and if you love me as much as you claim to then I should be enough for you to do just that. If it's not the same way for you as it is for me, though, then I don't understand why you still waste your time with me."

Marlena wasn't exactly sure what it was that bothered her so much about his words; all she knew was that they had hurt her deeply. Not even the alcohol in her system could numb the pain she felt from his words, nor could it prevent the tears from escaping her eyes. She hugged her knees to her chest and lay her head down, averting her tear-filled eyes away from Bucky.

Bucky let out a sigh, now upset that he had made her cry, and took a step toward her. "Marle—"

"Y-you wanna know why I d-don't talk t-to you about anything?" she slurred slightly. "It's b-because I care more about you than myself—I love y-you more than I love myself. You're the v-very center of my life, Bucky, meaning that I put you first regardless of what I'm g-going through."

"Don't do that," Bucky said, kneeling down beside her. He grabbed her face with his hands and positioned it so that she was now looking at him. "You're one of the most selfless people I know, and that's perfectly okay, but please stop putting aside your mental issues to care for everyone else, especially me. I do the same for you; I take care of myself first so I can take care of you, but you never really give me anything to take care of."

Marlena sniffed. "I'm s-sorry, I really am. I just—so much has happened. You've only been getting worse, and it's been scary, I dunno. I just don't want to lose you to him, Bucky; the very thought of it scares me to death. He's the reason why I've been doing everything I can to help you stay you."

"Hey," Bucky said quietly, wiping her face with the pads of his thumbs. "You're not gonna lose me, okay? Especially not to him, I promise. You've helped me more than you know, babygirl, and I am so grateful because of it. But you've done your part; I think it's time for you to let me do mine. Let me help you, Marlena."

Marlena nodded slightly and grabbed his hands in hers. "Okay, um, could you start by helping me up?" she asked softly, meeting his blue eyes.

Bucky chuckled and shook his head before hoisting her off of the ground. He made the mistake of releasing her, leaving her to fall back down to the ground below. He managed to catch her before she hit the ground, however.

"Yeah, you're never drinking again," Bucky said as he pulled her up.

The amount of movement Marlena was enduring unsettled her. She felt lightheaded, as well as nauseous. "I think I'm gonna throw up," Marlena giggled.

"What, now?" Bucky questioned, his eyes widening slightly.

Marlena wasn't given the chance to answer him as her bodily fluids began their ascent up her esophagus. She moved away from Bucky and leaned over, allowing the burning fluids to fall to the ground below. A disgusted expression fell upon Bucky's face, and he moved forward to wrap his arm around her waist in an attempt to keep her from falling, while his other hand held her hair back.

"I need a breath mint," Marlena whined as she stood back up, stumbling slightly.

"No kidding," Bucky breathed out, wiping her face with the sleeve of his dress shirt. He didn't give her the chance to make a remark before scooping her up in his arms and carrying her to the passenger's side of her Jeep.

He opened the passenger's side door and moved to put her inside when he noticed her shoes missing. "Where are your shoes, Marlena?"

She hiccuped and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I threw them somewhere, but I dunno where."

Bucky shook his head and placed her inside the vehicle. "Wanda's gonna kill you."

"Not if I kill her first," Marlena snorted.

Bucky only chuckled and shut the door before making his way to the driver's seat. He wasted no time at all in starting the car, and before long he was taking off down the dirt road.