Lana Parrilla Saved Me

I knew what I had to do next...

Christie's pov

It was time to go. When I say that, I mean die. I met Lana, I talked to her and I hugged her and those were my conditions. If I did all three, I get to die. My mind was pretty messed up back then. I thought I wasn't going to mean anything more than another fan to Lana.

....

The next couple of days after I met Lana were good and bad. I couldn't stop thinking of how lucky I was to have had the opportunity that many other fans would never get. I was completely oblivious to how much Lana thought of me. The bad part of those days was me thinking about how I was going to die. I knew I was going to do it but I just needed to figure out how. I thought about the place me and my two best friends, Lauren and Danielle, would go all the time. It was a three story building and you could see the whole city. I used to go there on my own when I waned to get away from everything. It was beautiful. I decided that I was going to do it there in three days. I didn't quite know how, but I was set on that idea. The next day in school I was being extra nice to my teachers and classmates because I didn't want them to remember me as a bitch. I tried to spend as much time with my friends as I could because despite how worthless I felt, I knew they would miss me if I were to die.

....

The day I was going to kill myself came around so fast. I had gone to my grandparents before school and I said my 'goodbyes' to them like I had already done with my auntie, uncles and cousins. I don't think they suspected anything was wrong. I was weirdly not sad leading up to the day; I think that's because I knew everything was about to end for me and it made me feel something close to peace. School came and went. I felt a mixture of emotions during the day. I said a subtle goodbye to my teachers and I hugged my friends so tight. I had it dug into my brain that I was going to do this. I got home from school and went straight to my room. I got a piece of paper and a pen and just wrote.

'I'm sorry that I am so weak. I didn't want to grow up and I didn't want to have a future. I didn't see one for me. I know this comes as a shock, but I planned to do this way before meeting Lana. It's hard for me to talk you know. I am just a big burden to every single person I know. I'm truly sorry, goodbye'

That is what I wrote. That is all I wrote. No explanation as to why I was going to do it. I just wanted out. I packed a bag. In it contained water, a blanket, my letter from Lana, my photo with Lana and the charm she gave me. I ate tea with my parents and watched television with the just like I always did before bed. At ten o'clock, I kissed my parents good night and hugged them both for what felt like hours. I went up and changed into a jumper and leggings. I got under the covers of my bed and went to sleep aware that my alarm was set for two o'clock in the morning. I got to sleep and dreamt nothing. It's like I made myself numb to all feelings that night. My alarm started blaring waking me up with a startle. My heart was beating so fast because I thought my parents got woken up. I opened my door and sneaked across the landing and looked in. They were both fast asleep. I stood there and stared at them for a few moments and thought about when they wake up and I'm not there. I acknowledged everything they had done for me over my whole life and had a second thought about what I was about to do, but it didn't change my mind. I went into my bathroom and brushed my teeth and washed my face to wake me up more. Once I did that, I got the charm that I put in my bag and held it tight in my hand. I got my note and put it on my neatly laid bed. I swung my bag over my back and headed out the door. The place I was going was about a ten minute walk and a five minute run. I ran. I didn't stop until I got there. The building was pretty much abandoned so I could do it alone. The nerves started kicking in. I was nervous about dying, which I guess is pretty rational. I went around to the back of the building and found the stairs. There were distant sounds of foxes, sirens and very early birds. I got to the roof and I looked out at the city that never looked so beautiful. The lights of the buildings were glistening and I could see the moving headlights of the cars. I walked to the ledge and looked down. The grass was getting so long and it was just as tall as me, and I am fairly tall. Thats how derelict it was. I put my bag in the corner and got out my blanket. I wrapped it around my body and i sat down on the cold floor. I reached in my bag for my water and drank the whole bottle. The sun was coming up and I knew what I had to do next.