Professor C (camren)

16.5 - Jauregui (Part 2)

Lauren was being too cordial, too distant, especially after their cherished time together over the weekend, and it was just...so wrong.

"Please, Lauren, call me Camila." Camila mumbled as she shook her head, suddenly looking too somber for Lauren's liking.

"Camila." Lauren relented in a teasing manner, topping it off with a mocking nod that Camila found amusing. It sounded better than the designation that made her ex-girlfriend far more...intimidating. "I thought you guys weren't supposed to be back 'til the end of the week?"

Camila's grin dropped almost after it had appeared and her eyes displayed a conflict that Lauren tried to unravel but couldn't. For a moment, Lauren feared that the professor took her question the wrong way and was prepared to deliver an onslaught of apologies and frantic words that would clarify the innocent query.

Unbeknownst to Lauren was Camila's attempts in trying to make amends with her pride, bargaining with whatever she could offer upon realizing the purpose of her abrupt visit. The cuts would have been deeper and would have been excruciating bad the conversation occurred only two months prior. Heck, it would have been unbearable.

"About that..." Camila reluctantly began, barely sustaining eye contact with the psychologist. She took a deep breath, mostly for courage but was literally her body bracing for the jumbled and panicky words that would shoot out of her mouth. "Lauren, I wouldn't be asking this if there was another way but could you please pick Leslie up? He and I took a flight back last night and he's at school. It was his idea and I couldn't leave him with them after he begged. He comes out at 11:30 and I have a presentation for my dissertation at one and I have things to prepare and gather. And Luca and Dinah are still away, and Darnell is off somewhere and he's not answering his phone. I don't trust his nanny and they borrowed Linda for some banquet. And I-"

"Camila, hey," Lauren unknowingly sauntered closer to be at Camila's aid, in the hopes that her heart could comfort the woman. She figured that blatantly asking the professor to stay calm at the moment would be the greatest mistake she could ever do. "It's okay."

It was almost pitiful to find Camila in such an agitated state but it was more hilarious than anything. Camila had successfully established an indestructible façade that it was almost unfathomable to just picture her with such chaos in her eyes. Lauren's heart was swelling at the sight, and she forced herself to keep their memories from inundating her state of mind to prevent the possibility of being sucked into a whirlpool of nostalgia that would take her away from the present Camila, who needed her.

But, god, was she adorable. And since Lauren couldn't laugh, she settled on simply smiling and for the first time, Camila didn't have to suppress her own grin.

"I'll pick him up but I might have to bring Pebble, though." Lauren told Camila so as not to catch her off guard. "Rob's bringing her back before 11:00. They're just out to get some snacks. And I promise we will get going as soon as Pebble's here."

"That's okay. Actually, it's perfect." Camila almost panted. She had spent quite the energy only mustering the audacity to even ask the huge favor while her nerves decided to rattle her bones. "Leslie would love to see her - he would love to see both of you and I'm very grateful you said yes."

"It's no problem, really. Elf is a precious little boy."

Truthfully, Lauren was ecstatic to have one other little visitor to fool her into thinking that her office wasn't a place of work. She could already imagine all the fun she and the two children would be having, and with their imagination, it was bound to be...boundless.

"Thank you so much! I'll call them and I'll text you the address. You just have to show them an I.D. at the entrance." Camila let out a sigh, unloading what her lungs could offer as her hands climbed up to settle upon her forehead and run through her supposedly polished hair. She was just so relieved to have found someone to trust albeit their history. "Thank you, Lauren. I don't know how else to thank you."

"I really don't mind, Camila." Lauren reassured her once more, instinctively brushing the creases on the professor's collar and aligning it. "I got Elf and you only have to worry about your dissertation, which I don't think you have to. You got this; you're Professor C."

Camila was too distraught to even process whatever it was that was happening between them but she believed Lauren. The psychologist's faith in her was so strong that it empowered her. Camila missed being smothered by words that would reassure her and affectionate touches when she was feeling overwhelmed.

Without her family or friends, Camila was left to fend for herself; not noticing that she was gradually becoming haughty and arrogant. She wasn't quite delighted with the fact that she relished in the fear that consumed the eyes of those around her, but she thrived in it.

And when you're facing your greatest adversary, it shouldn't matter how you stand up.

But right then and there, the only thing that mattered was that Camila was being consoled by the only person who could manipulate her nerves to bring forth stillness.

And it didn't have to make sense when Camila threw herself onto Lauren and wrapped her arms around her neck, clinging onto her for dear life as she braced for the onslaught of her wild thoughts. She was grateful for many things, and having her ex-girlfriend pressed against her elicited a combination of nerves and bliss.

Camila would try but she wouldn't be able to put in words how she felt when Lauren's arms looped around her waist and held her fervently. She just couldn't believe how the sense of security remained in all the years that they have been apart but the chills that ravaged her body were electrifying her soul.

It didn't have to make sense but her actions were meant to tell Lauren she missed her and the way she squeezed the psychologist was expressing just how much. It meant relief that through the detours and broken roads, they were in the same place, and in an odd way, they were together. It meant rebuilding themselves, piecing the shards together and Camila's coming to terms with her feelings.

And it meant "I love you and I hope you feel it because I can't admit it while my wounds have not been healed yet."

It will only be in her actions that Camila could fully explain what she was feeling. Actions will remain to be the most eloquent and articulate way of communicating despite elegant and calculated sentences that were meant to impress the crowds.

Most importantly, it will only be through her actions that Camila could convey her honesty.

Because without words and reason, holding Lauren made sense.

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***LISA CIMORELLI IS PERFECTION!!! HAHAHAHAHA! Whoops. Anyway, I have cut almost 50% of the original content that should have been here just because this has exceeded 10k words, and this is part two! And this could have used some tweaking. I apologize for the looooong a$$ wait. I had tons to do and I've been very annoyingly uninspired. But yeah, The Words That I Cannot Speak #29 should be up within the week.