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Percy Jackson OC: Peirce Commons- XxThatEmoGalxX

Fandom: Percy Jackson
*squeaks*
Name: Peirce Commons
Close to Percy, but I love it!
Age: Fourteen
*mildly squeaking* Okay
Sexuality: Bi-sexual (Prefers to have more silent and outspoken people in a relationship.)
*spits out imagnitive Cocoa, it's with marshmallows of course* original as heck, but I have to ask.
How is someone outspoken and silent?
Godly Parent: Apollo
*drinking more cocoa* Average Joe.
Weapon of Choice: Bull Whip
I didn't even know what a bull whip was until you commented this, then I had to look it up
Original weapon, love that!
Mother: Janis Commons (alive)
*attempts to swallow rest of Cocoa, but spits it out in shock and sarcasm* what?! The mother is alive?!
...
I was literally about to ask who's the father before I realized
Flipping Apollo remember
Personality: She's pretty skeptical of trying new things, which often makes it hard for her to make friends.
(Marshy liked that.)
If you manage to gain her trust, she is loyal, childish, and will open up if comfortable with you. She can be overly untrusting with herself sometimes.
(Marshy lives that.)
She has a good singing voice, but can't dance to save her life.
(Marshy loves that.)
She doesn't have good stamina and isn't very athletic.
(Marshy resisted making a rude joke.)
Appearance: Pale skin with minor acne near her hair line
(Where's your hairline is the question)
Green eyes, curly, honey-bronze coloured hair with bangs that she usually straightens.
(Dies of originality)
She often wears band t-shirts, jeans, eyeliner, combat boots and/or Converse.
Just for a second- isn't the and/or unnecessary? She's not going to mix and match shoes unless she has a really bad taste in style.
Besides that can we be Grammar Police together 'cause I see literally no grammar mistakes besides this one
(Note- I post the picture here for reference for writing, I can't copy and paste when you PM or even comment, so I'm going to skip the backstory down here and just review it as a whole, if I don't I'll have to write this all... @-@ you can still see it in the picture. If the picture doesn't work because of darn GlitchPad I'll post the picture in the next chapter too.)
Alright. The plot line seems sooooo close to Percy Jackson
But also not
Like
How
She lived with her mother in an apartment
-points crazily to the first Percy Jackson book-
Why did she need to learn to fight? Is there a monster or something after her? I'm just saying
Apollo's children aren't as valuable as flipping Percy or something
Nico de Angelo hello-o
~~~
She has occasional panic attacks?... That's actually really creative. It works well with her personality, and the natural ADHD and dyslexia stuff demigods are given, except this is more like a disadvantage.
~~~
She died?! What! That's original to the max
Seriously I'm not being sarcastic that's pretty original, most OCs are alive
Best Friends: Lou Ellen, Nico de Angelo, Piper McLean
So you are tied to Nico de Angelo I knew it
Plus I love Piper seriously
Cinnamon tho
Crush: Nico de Angelo
Yesssssssssssssssssssssss!
Results:
Originality- 80%
Pork Chop- 15%
Mary Sue- 5%
Final Sentence:
Great character!...
Is she related to Percy tho
Cause
Peirce = Percy
XD
Otherwise amazing job, seriously that grammar is on fleek.