When She Speaks (Rewritting soon)

Chapter 18-

 A/N: Hey guys, this story is far from over. I hope you are enjoying it eventhough it is a sad story so far! I appreciate your comments/votes/emails/ wattpad messages and I will update is soon as I can! Enjoy!

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White walls that hold me prison. There was man in a white lab coat. He kept clicking his pen against his metal clipboard. He had silver hair and a wearily smile. The smile should have made him feel more human. The smile was fake and force.

"Star, do you know where you are?" He asked. He took his time jotting down notes on that same clipboard.

"You've been admitted to Saint Helen's mental institution." He said.

I don't know what he says next but I drown out the rest of this words. My worst nightmare had come true. I was going to die and finally get what I deserved.

. I wasn't supposed to be saved. His lips are moving again but I can't hear anything. I have to get out of here.

When I start to rip the tubes from my arms, his eyes widen in horror and he calls in a team of nurses. They scream. They tell me if I don't stop, I'll end up hurting myself. What they don't understand is that I don't care. I can't figure out how I've managed to cheat death twice or why I am still alive now.

The only thing I remember is plunging the knife into my throat. I don't remember going to the hospital or being transported to this awful place. I don't know how found me but I've decided that I hate whoever found me. My last chance of happiness had been robbed from me.

When I don't listen, the nurses run over to the bed. They pin my arms down and inject needles into my veins. My eyes start to feel heavier and heavier.

I drift further away but I can't go to sleep. I close my eyes in hopes that they will all leave me alone. There is a window at the end of the room. If I had enough time, I would be able to walk to the edge of the window and jump. But one nurses stays in the room and the doctor tells the other nurses to watch me closely.

I'm on suicide watch. She talks out a magazine and sits in the corner. She never looks at me. She's either too enthralled by the articles she reads in the magazines or she doesn't care about me.

After a long silence, she finally says "Your mom might visit you later."

My stomach clenches. I don't know how I will face her.

She probably still doesn't understand why this is would have been the right decision. My death was the only way to amend things. But, now my chance was gone.

"I met her early. She's seems like a really incredible woman." The nurse said.

Then pity fills her old gray eyes. She didn't say another word but I could almost hear the words that threatened to roll of her tongue.

It's too bad that she's has an insane daughter.

The words lodged at the back of my throat. But she turns her eyes back to her magazine and then we are strangers again. She sits in the same chair of the rest of afternoon.

The door to my room is creaked open. There is another world that exists Outside of my room Nurses are wheeling medical carts back in front. Patients are being carried on stretches. People are sitting in corners and rocking themselves to a soothing lullaby. Residents are pacing back and forth as they mumble incoherent thoughts.

Children are taking off there clothes and running down the halls. Residents are being force-fed pills. The staff and doctors seem strangely calm. They are use to dealing with the crazies.

It's a regular occurrence to deal with the crazies. After a while, the doctor comes back into the room. He has the nurse place an alarm on the window. They take away all of my blankets and bring me back a warm set of pajamas. They search for the room for any other items that could be used as weapons.

"Star, I want to help you but you have to be willingly to listen. I'm going to give you some time to recover because I know you've been through a lot of things in the past few days. We all are here to listen to you. We have a great therapist and if you start taking your medication regularly, you will get better. You still have a chance to lead a normal life. "

The doctor says. He touches my arm but his glove keeps our skin from touching. I stare down at his white gloves.

It's almost if he's afraid to let our skin touch. He's afraid that he'll contract whatever disease I have.

"In the meantime, I think the best thing you can do is to try to interact and get to know the rest of the residents here. This will be your new home for a very long time, Star." The doctor says.

The way he draws out the last line causes my bones to shiver. It's almost if he thinks I'll be stuck here forever.

I'm sure many of the residents don't recover and spend the rest of their lives in this hell. After the doctor leaves, they take me to the lunchroom.

I don't know why they think I'm like any of the other residents. They leave in the center of hundreds of crazies. I walk to an empty table and lay my head down on the table. My hair falls like a dark curtain and my eyes peak through. I place my hand over my ear to drown out the resident's screams.

There is a girl that walks across the room and sits down at my table. She used to be beautiful but this place has stripped of her beauty. Her hollow eyes bear too many secrets. Her lips are pressed into thin, tired line. There are purple circles under her eyes.

Her hair is a cut into an uneven, cropped cut. They'll cut my hair soon, too. I tug at the long strands and my stomach sinks. She tells me her name is Hannah and that she isn't crazy like the rest of the residents.

I can't help but smile.

She leans closer until I can feel her breath on my cheek.

"You're first normal person I've seen in years. The residents here have turned crazy. This place didn't use to be so bad. But the state cut the funding for this place in half, so they are under staffed now. Most of the residents are sedate with too many drugs but it helps the nurses manage the other residents." She says.

"They told me that you don't speak. That you haven't spoken for years." She says.

I shrug my shoulders. I don't know how to explain my condition to other people. She forces a smile but her lips quickly turn into a thin line.

I can tell she hasn't smiled in years.

"I'll teach you sign language. Do you want my cupcake?" She asks.

She pushes her tray forward.

It's the first act of kindness I've witnessed in a long time. She made me feel human and I hadn't felt that way in a long time. James had made feel the same way. His name as lodged in the back of my throat. But I pushed his memory away. It was time to finally forget the past.