Within My Bedroom Walls

Far Away From Here

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really adopted.

Now - June 24, 2013 3:56 AM
Connor's POV

I want to kill myself. I don't fucking give a care if I'm already dead. I want to kill myself. I want to end it all. I want to end these feelings. I want to end my life. There's no use in "living" anymore. There's no use in anything anymore.

Around Midnight. 

No, I didn't want to walk into a different world and never see Isabelle again. I didn't want to go where souls go, because then I would be just another soul. The world has so many things, so many places, so many adventures just waiting for me. I've only had fourteen years of "living", I don't want to waste anymore time.

Of course, I couldn't let Isabelle go. Just leaving her made my heart ache. When I came back, just to check on her, she wasn't there. I was freaking out on the inside, wondering where she went. I decided to follow her parents to see why they keep bringing food into their car, and driving away. I had never really paid any attention to her parents, but I'm glad that I did.

Isabelle was in the hospital.

I watched her as she drew things in her sketchbook, one of me. I watched her as she typed her feelings of me. I watched her as she cried until her eyes were bloody red. I watched her when she tried to swallow down her food. I watched her stare at the boring TV, sighing every minute. I watched her talk to herself, asking where I was. I watched her every second, every day.

But of course she didn't know.

Particularly this night, she escaped the evil hospital. I didn't stop her, I would have done the same thing. She was walking in her clothes like a normal human being, walking away. I walked along with her, looking at her with all of my concern. Did I really cause all of this?

We walked like it was the end of the world, far away from the hospital. I didn't know Isabelle had it in her to walk this far. But what scared me was where she walked to, which was the Arch.

She walked to the bridge near the Arch, the one right above the Missouri River. Her pace was steady, even. And then she stopped right in the middle. She leaned on the railing, letting out a long, sorrowful breath.

"Where are you, Connor?" she croaked painfully.

It was then where she went under the railing and sat on literally the edge of the bridge, letting her legs dangle over the water. She looked down, tears slowly caressing her cheeks.

"Why did you leave me, Connor?" Isabelle asked through her tears.

Her tiny hands gripped the edge, and even in the darkness they looked red. Isabelle winced.

"How many times have you lied to me, Connor?" she whispers, and then I couldn't take it anymore.

I moved to where she was, sitting right next to her. I decided to show myself to her, letting her see that I didn't forget her. "Isabelle," I called. Her eyes perked, but she shook her head after. "Isabelle," I said again, touching her shaking arm.

Her head whipped over to me, making her wavy brown hair bounce. Her eyes widened, the shape of her mouth opened into the form of the letter O, showing her shakiness. "C-Connor..." she said, making sure. "Connor!" Isabelle cried, her arms wrapping around my neck, and I wrap my arms around her waist, making sure she won't fall.

She cried for what seemed like forever, sobbing out questions along the way. "Where--have--you--been?" she asks. "Why--did--you--lie--to--me?"

"I'm sorry," was my reply to all of them. "I'm sorry, Isabelle."