The Resident // Harry Styles H.S.

37

"Well someone's a grumpy as.shole today. You can leave if you want to. I'm not having a nightmare NOW." she scolded me. This was NOT working out. I HAD to be patient and not let my frustrations come out.

"I'm sorry Janel. I don't want to leave. Please, don't tell me to. I'm just so frustrated that you KNOW you love me. You KNOW you want me. You say it when you're drunk. You say it in your sleep. You even say it when you're awake, but think you're dreaming. But YOU just won't let yourself be happy and HAVE ME, when I'm right here, with open arms, waiting, hoping, dying inside, trying to hold in all the love I feel every second for you, and I'm not allowed to give it to you. I'm just a little frustrated.

By the way, I covered your ti.t that was hanging out earlier.

Cause I wouldn't want to touch my girlfriend, or anything. She doesn't WANT to be touched." I was failing, and epically.

I got up and left the room. I had to stop. I had made love to Janel last night. I slept with her in bed. In my arms. This is MORE than what I thought I'd get when I came here, and here I was, all pissed off and irritated?

She was gonna kick me out in the freezing cold if I didn't get a handle on myself.

Maybe I couldn't do this. Maybe I couldn't be here for her. Maybe I couldn't be this close to her, and NOT be WITH her. Maybe I couldn't handle this. It was maybe too much for me to take.

I found myself pacing back and forth in the kitchen. Fists shaking in the air, taking deep stress relieving breaths in, and blowing them out slowly. I was fvcking losing it. What the hell was wrong with me? I guess there's only so much I can take, before I blow up.

Janel came out, dressed in pajama pants and a tee shirt. She stood in the doorway of the kitchen and watched me, until I noticed her there. "Just don't. Don't say anything. I obviously can't take it." I said before she said anything.

"I was only going to thank you for stopping my bad dream. I remember it now. I believe you that I probably screamed in my sleep. Thank you." she said, and turned to walk away.

"What was the dream?" I asked before she got away.

She stopped in her tracks, and didn't look back at me.

"Never mind. I know what it was anyway. Everyone in this building does." I told her.

She looked back at me now, with a quick, nasty look, and turned and walked out.

Epic fail AGAIN! Nice going Harry! You are being so fvcking SMOOTH today, I can't get over it!

You FVCKING AS.SHOLE!!!!

I balled my fist up, and my mind searched quickly for something to hit. But somehow, I caught myself and calmed my anger. I'd never done that before. I clenched my lips together, nearly biting through them, closed my eyes, and stretched my hands out, out of the fists they had been shaped into.

"Don't fvck this up Harry. Don't. Fvck. This. Up." I pep talked myself lowly. "You'll never get her back this way. She won't even want you back when she DOES find out you're innocent."

"How am I gonna find that out?" I heard in the doorway. I spun around, busted talking to myself.

Well, maybe her hearing me say I was innocent when I thought no one was listening, would help her to believe me. Or not. Knowing her.

"You'll find it out. I don't care if it takes till we're 90. I'll find the person. And you'll see. You'll see how much useless, unneeded torture and pain you put us both through, because you wouldn't trust me." I said.

"And FVCK!!!!! I'm SORRY! I'm so fvcking moody today. And I don't know why. I think you got me pregnant last night, I swear. I'm sorry. I'll just not t..." Janel stopped me quickly, and had a concerned look on her face.