You Know I'm Such a Fool for You

Chapter 33

In truth I was trying to delay what I was about to do. This is going to be the worst day of my life, I thought as I grabbed my car key and walked to the driveway. The first thing I noticed was that Adrian’s car was parked in front of his house. Good, he was home.

At first, I didn’t know where to go. I thought about the cliff but then I changed my mind. I only had good memories of that place, I couldn’t do it there. I needed privacy. The sky was cloudy so the park wouldn’t be crowded. After some hesitation, I drove there.

When I parked the car there, I couldn’t take it anymore, I broke down. I started crying. I cried for what I was about to do, for what I was about to lose. I cried for the pain that I was feeling, but most of all, I cried for the pain I was about to cause.

All my thoughts and the last events kept coming to my mind, but I needed to hold on to the idea that what I was about to do was for the best. I was doing the right thing.

But why did it hurt so much then? I couldn’t even breathe.

After a long time I finally stopped crying. It took some time, but eventually my face wasn’t all red anymore, so I took a deep breath and picked my cell phone to text Adrian. ‘Meet me at the park whenever you’re ready’.

In the next moment, I got a reply ‘Are you ok? I’ll be right there. Love you. XX.’ I almost started crying again when I read that. Does he have to be so sweet? Things were difficult as it was. I didn’t bother answering his question, though. I was far from okay but there was nothing either of us could do about it.

I finally got out of the car to find some place where we could talk without attracting too much attention. Just as I predicted, a few kids were playing near the swings, but that was it. The rest of the park was at completely peace. I walked a little but if I continued Adrian wouldn’t find me, so I chose a tree and leaned against it. I put my hands in my pocket and waited, trying to keep my mind blank.

Fifteen minutes later I saw him. He smiled when he spotted me and began walking in my direction. I felt my heart stop in my chest. I almost forgot how beautiful he is.

“There you are,” he said smiling wrapping his arms around my waist. I didn’t know what to do. When he bended his head to kiss me, I started to pull away but then I realized this was probably our last kiss, so I threw my hands around his neck instead, trying to get closer. I ran my finger thought his hair for a few moments feeling it between my fingers, while our tongues collided in our mouths. He had one of his hands on the small of my back and the other on my neck, our bodies fitting perfectly against each other.

I needed to memorize every inch of him. It was my last opportunity and I knew for sure I would never feel for someone else what I felt for Adrian. It would be last time I would feel the familiar butterflies in my stomach and his hands on my body. I blinked back tears as I cupped his face with both of my hands and caressed his skin with my thumbs. Next, I moved my hands to his neck and shoulders, moving them down to wrap them around his waist and touch his back.

How am I supposed to live without this. Without kissing him or making love to him? God, I’ll never have a chance to make love to him again. More tears threatened to fall but I didn’t let them.

My hands returned to his face as I kissed him even more passionately, desperately.

I was shaking slightly and I guess he sensed it, because he pulled apart, letting his arms around my waist. “What’s wrong V.?” He asked alarmed.

I looked into his blue eyes that I loved so much but couldn’t say anything; I couldn’t hurt him like that.

“Talk to me V. Are you still worried about your scholarship?” Adrian sounded concerned. I nodded. It wasn’t a lie. “There’s nothing to worry about. There’s so much I need to tell you, I was waiting for you to call me so I could explain what I have in mind, but everything is going to be okay, I promise,” he told me rubbing his hand up and down my back. What does he have in mind? Probably plans about us in Chicago. How much I wish they could become true.