You Know I'm Such a Fool for You

Chapter 33

And if it wasn’t enough, there’s Mrs. Haynes. She’ll be devastated. Adrian was always around, but now both her children were moving away at the same time? I can’t do that to her. She was always like a second mother to me. I just couldn’t be so selfish.

About the other option, well, it’s not really an option. Everybody knows long distance relationships don’t work. Either the boy or the girl cheats on the other or just stops loving them. Not that I think I could ever stop loving Adrian, but how could I expect him to be here alone when we could only see each other every other month or so? I think I could take it, I’d do just about anything just for one minute with him, but it’s too cruel for both of us just talking over the phone knowing we’d both miss each other. It’s not only about sex, he’d miss physical contact of course but he’d probably miss the closeness we have the most.  What if he fell in love with someone else while we were still together? That would kill me. No. If we were to stay apart I couldn’t do this to him, to us. He deserves the option of being with someone. Even though it hurts just to think about it.   

Besides, let’s face it. Adrian’s almost 5 years older than me. What if he wants to move on with his life? He has never talked about marriage, but if that’s what he wants? I can’t marry him any time soon. I need to finish college and start thinking about my career before starting to think about marriage. I know he’s willing to wait for me now, but what if he was free? He has friends that are already getting married, like David and Julie. What if he wants to follow their foot steps? Should I ask him to put his life on hold while we were so far away and barely seeing each other?

I always thought we would get married someday. Now I only wish… I don’t even know what I wish. Should I wish he’d meet someone who was better for him? Why are both choices so painful? I don’t want to do this, I want to be with him, now and ever, but I know I can’t.

The same way he won’t let me stay because he knows it’s best for me to go to Chicago, I know it’s best for him so stay, so I won’t let him go.

There was only one thing to do now…

My mom chose this moment to knock on the door. I groaned, wanting to be left alone.

“Hey pumpkin…” mom trailed off as she realized the room was all dark. “Honey, I know it’s Sunday, but it’s almost eleven! Come on, it’s time to get up. Why don’t you call Adrian, he was really upset last night,” Mom said as she drew the curtains, letting the daylight flood the room.

When I came home last night, the first thing she did was yell at me for disappearing just like that, then asked if I had talked to Adrian. When I said yes, she assumed we talked about him moving to Chicago with me and that I was happy about it. Why can’t people see what it’s going to do to him?

“I’m going shopping. Do you need something?” She asked.

“I need to stay here mom, I don’t wanna go to Chicago,” I told her one last time. If only she would let me stay I could try to convince Adrian.

“Vicky, don’t be such a child. I don’t know why you’re complaining so much, Adrian’s going with you anyway. I won’t let you miss this opportunity and you know it. Stop asking,” my mom said sternly. “Now tell me, do you need something from the mall?” She questioned.

“No Mom, thanks.” Adrian was I that I needed, but I knew I couldn’t have him for much longer.

“Ok, but if you change your mind, call me,” she added. I nodded and she walked out of my room.

When she was gone I went down to the kitchen. I wasn’t hungry, and I seriously doubted I would be able to eat anything any time soon. I thought about doing some homework but then I remembered I didn’t have any. The classes were almost over so the teachers were going slower than usual.