A Tender Warmth

Nine

Makoto had woken. He dragged his feet to the afternoon sunlit kitchen. He smelt sweet flour and followed the scent to find Sousuke and Ame making cookie dough on the kitchen bench. As Makoto walked in he mumbled, "How long was I asleep?"

Sousuke turned around and smiled at Makoto's drowsy figure. "A few hours." He replied. Ame carefully hopped off the stool at the bench and ran over to his father.

"Daddy!" He exclaimed excitedly as he hugged Makoto tight. "Me and Sousuke are making cookies for you."

"Shh, Ame. That's a surprise for daddy." Sousuke chuckled.

"For me?" Makoto was astonished. "How sweet."

Sousuke was surprised at the fact that he was finding Makoto so endearing. The crinkled lines that marked his face from his pillow made him so cute. Whenever Ame accomplished something he smiled showing the true love and compassion he holds. It was all so endearing to Sousuke, he could only daydream of having Makoto love him again.

The evening rolled by and Ame was sent to bed early. Makoto and Sousuke enjoyed the last few cookies together as a small dessert. Sousuke was sitting silently at the dining table and Makoto leaned against the kitchen bench awkwardly.

He got an idea.

He fussed around in the bottom of his food pantry and brought out a half full bottle of red wine then grabbed out two wine glasses from the back of the highest glass shelf. Sousuke noticed what he was doing and watched quietly. Makoto walked over to the dining table and placed one glass in front of Sousuke and one in front of himself. He filled the large wine glasses half way. "Let's...talk." Makoto sat down abruptly, the bottle in his clutch.

Sousuke slowly sipped his red wine and Makoto gulped down his first glass before he spoke. "So what have you been up to these past few years?" Makoto looked deep into Sousuke's tired eyes.

Sousuke sighed then hesitated as he tried to find the words.

"Out and about." He waited a few seconds. "I went back home but I left not long after to look for a job. It was going well for me. I was a chef at a restaurant in the middle of the city." He smiled but it dropped almost straight after. "Then I was introduced to heroine and ecstasy when I went out to a party one night." He looked up at Makoto to see his reaction and he was flabbergasted. "Then I lost my job, I had no place to stay so I was couch surfing almost every weekend...I went to one night club every Friday night and met a girl who worked there so I stayed with her for a few months, she helped me find a part time job which didn't last very long but I still had some money leftover, and she helped me out of my drug habit, but...she moved back to her home country. So I tried moving in with my parents but that first night they found out about me and you and..."

Makoto filled his glass again and threw the liquid down his throat. Sousuke had barely touched his. Makoto smacked his lips, "Yeah, what about us?"

Sousuke furrowed his eyebrows, "My dad was drunk and he hates gay men. You know what old people are like, they can't accept anything new."

"Old men suck." Makoto was getting aggressive.

"They kicked me out." Sousuke was tense and heartbroken. "And that's when I called you, last night."

Makoto looked at Sousuke then down at his hands. His cheeks were glowing and he burped quietly behind his hand. Sousuke smiled because he found Makoto's burp endearing, but Makoto stared at Sousuke as if he had just rejected him. Sousuke was confused. Makoto's eyes filled with large tears and he sobbed into his arms on the table. Sousuke quickly stood up, the chair squeaking on the floorboards beneath him and put his hands on Makoto's shoulders. "Hey, hey. What's wrong? Makoto?" He was being as sympathetic as he could be.

Makoto looked up at Sousuke with snot escaping from his nose and tears billowing out of his eyes. Sousuke quickly grabbed the box of tissues on the bench and pulled out a few to wipe Makoto's flustered face. He leaned on his knees in front of him and asked, "What's wrong?"

"I thought I was having the worst few years of my life but really you were-" he started sobbing harder, "having-" he wiped his nose, "the worst years...of your life." Makoto sobbed and Sousuke wiped the tears off of his face with clean tissues.

"No, Makoto. It's alright. Look where I am now, I'm with you." He didn't know what to say. "Um... Being with you is the best place I could be. The safest place. And look, we have a beautiful son. I don't care about the past."

Makoto sniffled and was mesmerized by Sousuke's calm, sweet voice. Then he remembered why he was crying in the first place and started to sob again. Sousuke acted quickly and wiped his face, he threw the tissue on the ground then he connected his lips with Makoto's. He instantly calmed down. Sousuke could feel Makoto's pulse slow underneath his fingertips, the rapid blood flow made Makoto's skin sting. All that could be heard was Makoto breathing in and out slowly like a gust of wind. They endured this peaceful moment in darkness with their eyes closed. A moment passed and Sousuke pulled back slowly licking his lips and tasting his lover's salty tears. Makoto's eyes were glazed over and reflecting the dim light from the kitchen.

Makoto whispered so quietly it was hardly audible, "Stay with me."

Sousuke nodded with a smile of relief and he pulled Makoto to his feet. He drank what was left in his glass and cleaned his and Makoto's in the kitchen sink and put the wine bottle away. He held Makoto's hand tight as they walked to his room. Sousuke closed the door behind him and turned to Makoto standing vulnerably beside the bed.

Sousuke was aching for Makoto.

He pulled off Makoto's shirt and kissed his shoulder then pulled his arm towards him to kiss the back of his soft hand. Makoto's hand grabbed at Sousuke's black jacket. "It's been too long..." Sousuke whispered onto Makoto's neck.