chasing love ;; cth

Chapter 17

"Well what about when you invited me to that party leading me to believe that everyone wanted me there, when you and your friends only wanted me there so that Harrison's little brother wouldn't tell his parents about the party," 

"He ratted us out for the party by the way, thanks for that," He countered. He clearly isn't seeing the point I am trying to get across.

"Seriously Calum?" He asks me to explain to him why I am mad, and he is trying to turn it around on me because his friend got caught for having a party. He is so freakin unbelievable.

"I'm sorry, you're right that was totally wrong of us to take advantage of you," He apologizes, moving to lay on his stomach.

"It feels really strange to admit this, but I always saw you as a really good person. I mean I thought you were the friendlier, most down to earth out of your group of friends. Why would you even think of doing something like that?" The curiosity gets the best of me, and I instantly regret asking the question.

His face falls slightly, his gaze shifting to the floor, "I don't know. They told me to do it. That's why I did it. I didn't want to disappoint them," 

I lean back in my chair, pausing briefly before replying, "Well you shouldn't give into peer pressure, you probably aren't even going to see any of them again any way. But just out of curiosity, how's Danielle?"

A huge grimace appears on his face, and his whole expression makes him seem uncomfortable, "Uhh...she's in rehab for excessive use of cocaine."

"oh," I try to stifle my laughs, but I can't contain them. I start bursting out into laughter, to the point where I can't breathe.

"It's not funny," I can tell he is trying to keep his serious expression, but an amused smirk is beginning to peak through.

"You're right, it's not funny, it's just ironic," I reply honestly, as I try to catch my breath and slow my chest that is rapidly heaving up and down,

"I never really liked her if that's what you mean," He shrugs. Suddenly this whole conversation lost it's humor. All I can think is 'WHAT?' but can't manage to make the words come out, "I really only dated her, or well had a thing with her, because of popularity purposes. She was popular, I was popular, so it worked out. She wasn't even that pretty, she wore way too much makeup, to the point where she looked like a fucking raccoon." 

The laughing soon picks up. I feel myself quickly loosing my breath again, but I try to stop myself, "Sorry," I barely manage to apologize, as I try to keep from laughing,

"It's okay, you can laugh. It is pretty funny," He chuckles, "Plus you have a cute laugh," I giggle uncomfortably, as my laughing soon dies down. He really knows how to make a conversation awkward. Well I do to, so I guess that's just something we have in common. Actually that's the only thing we have in common, "Would you like to continue the list of reasons why you're mad at me?"

I instinctively roll my eyes. That's becoming a really bad habit. People are probably going to start thinking I'm really obnoxious, "Well I can't leave out the part where you humiliated me in front of everyone at prom,"

"So you're getting mad at me for not liking you back?" Now he is starting to get really angry. He swings his legs over the side of the bed, and focuses all his attention on me.

"No Calum, in fact I don't care that you don't like me back, because I don't really feel that way about you anymore-"

"Why don't you feel that way about me anymore?" His eyes are filled with hurt, it almost seems, "Has something changed about me? Am I all of the sudden not likable anymore?"

"That's not the point Calum," I remind him before I begin to pick up where I left off.

"Tell me why you don't like me anymore," He cuts me off again,

"Well," I try to think of how to put this the nicest way possible, "Liking someone is not only about looks, but it's also about personality, and who the person is,"

"So you're saying you don't like my personality," He clarifies, looking slightly offended,

"No, I am saying that the things that you did to me hurt my feelings, which changed the way I feel about you," I can't believe I am actually talking about this with him, but for some reason he really seems to care about why I don't like him anymore. I tried my best to give him a good explanation without hurting his feelings.

"Oh, I guess that makes sense," His gaze shifts to the floor, "But for the record, I'm sorry,"

"It's okay I guess," It really isn't okay. He caused me so much emotional pain, it is not okay for me to just forgive him for what he did to me. I still can't believe I am doing this. I mean there is part of me that wants him back in my life. Not romantically though, because that would not turn out well. But as a friend.

"Listen Valerie, I know "I'm sorry" really isn't enough, but I need you to know that I am truly sorry for everything. I will never call you another nickname, and if anyone calls you something you don't want to be called, I will punch them in the face. I will never ever take advantage of you again. And if anyone tries to take advantage of you I will punch them in the face. And I will never ever ever humiliate you, and if anyone humiliates you, I will punch them in the face. I really like you, as a friend. I mean your friends with my friends now, so I want us to be able to be friends again. I want to start all over, a clean slate,"

I am at a loss of words, but I don't think anything he has ever said has made me happier, "Okay," 

"Really?" He obviously is in disbelief about the fact that I agreed to be friends. I nod my head and he surprisingly grabs my hands and basically yanks me out of my chair. He pulls me into his embrace. This hug is much bigger and much longer than our first one. His grasp is tighter and I am rested on his lap as he leans back slightly on my bed, to refrain from having me fall off the bed. Counting the seconds doesn't even cross my mind, because it honestly just isn't important anymore. All I know is this is sure going to be one really interesting year.