The Older Man (BoyxBoy)

Eleven

            When I sat, he perched up and gave me his full attention. Deep blue eyes riveted on my dark ones as he waited like a good little boy for further attention. My fingers created a neat little tune as they danced on top of the ceramic tabletop. My thoughts were dancing the same as I wondered what to do.

            “Would you like something to eat or drink?” I offered.

            “Water, please.”

            Ian took a long drink of his water while I quenched my thirst with Iced Tea. “I’m listening.”

            “I’m sorry for hurting you. I thought I had more time to figure things out. I thought that nothing would matter if we had something together. I was selfish, I was scared, and I was a coward but I learned my lesson.”

            “I appreciate your apology. Honestly, it doesn’t matter. What I want to know is what’s up with that woman. Don’t be me any favors by calling off whatever it is and…and…just don’t get me stuck in the middle of anything. I don’t want a part of it and I don’t want to be the reason for any thing that goes wrong with whatever you have going on. I didn’t ask for this and it’s unfair to be mixed into it.”

            “I can’t lose you,” he said finally. I felt my heart constrict as I looked away from his intense eyes. “I was fine living my life the way it was before I met you. Then I met you and everything got better. I lost you and nothing was worth it. Everything seemed so vacant without you. It’s not worth it.”

            “Why did you get engaged to her?” I asked. The question I needed answers to and the question I feared the answers of.

            “It was business at first. She was a new model starting out and needed to get ahead in her career. At the time, it was all over the media about my nonexistent dating life. Um, an article was printed about my sexuality and there were testimonials from people I trusted in that article.” He chuckled maliciously. “I should really stop trusting people. Anyways, she was signed to an agency that might as well have been nameless because no one ever heard of it. She contacted me and said she could make it all go away. She didn’t have to tell me her motive. Obviously if people saw this up and coming model with me everyone would be ready to sign her. I don’t know how she knew it was true but she knew”

            “We signed a contract, that my team created and she agreed to. Basically, as soon as the whole thing blew over and we both got what we wanted we went our separate ways. I tried to break it off the weak after I met you but she said no. That night you found out? I tried again before I got back to the house and she threatened to confess everything to the public.”

            “How come…why…were you really going to marry her?”

            “Yeah,” he said, and then quickly added. “But none of it would be real. There would be no record of it anywhere. Ollie, you have to understand that this was all planned before I met you. I never meant to hurt you.”

            “Can I ask you something?”

            “Of course,” he answered, faster than I even registered that he answered. It took a moment for my brain to catch up.

            “Why is it so important to you for your sexuality to be kept a secret?”

            “It’s who I am Ollie. I’ve accepted it and I’m at peace with it. It’s not something I want to be used against me and once it gets out there I’ll have no peace.”

            “If that’s how you feel why did you offer to come out for me?”

            I wasn’t looking at him when I asked that so I was slightly shocked when I felt his hands holding mine and he was kneeling in front of me. Everything I felt when he touched me was still there. “If I have you, nothing matters.”

            “Ian,” I said carefully and pulled my hands from his. “You can’t expect that just because you found me—I don’t know how—and we talked that everything is going to be okay now.” He nodded and bowed his head.

            “I know, love,” he said, sadly.

            “I think you should go. This is a lot to take in.”

            He nodded and stood. I walked him to the door, opened it and watched him walk out the door. He stood there for a few minutes and when I thought he was about to leave he took two long strides, grabbed my face and kissed me like he never did before. His lips moved over mine dominantly as he pushed me against the door jamb. With his body pressed against mine his tongue probed my mouth. I felt something I never felt from him before. He left my head spinning like a madman. I was completely wanton. When he pulled away every vein in my body was throbbing desirously.

            He traced my lips with his thumb before using the index and lifting my chin so that I was looking him in the eyes. “I won’t give up, Ollie.”

            He disappeared and I found myself whispering, “I don’t want you to.”