The Older Man (BoyxBoy)

Eleven

Ollie

            “Don’t you care about me?” he asked me. My eyes started stinging again. Damn you. “How could you completely cut me off? I’ve tried calling, texting, emailing. I searched for you everywhere and it’s like you disappeared. You didn’t even give me a chance. You saw your opportunity to run and you took it.” I swallowed for the umpteenth chance. “I love you, Ollie. I don’t love her. How could you even think…how…I…why? I need you so badly, Ollie. Don’t you know I love you?” I felt his lips on my cheek and closed my eyes as it got harder and harder to keep them open and keep the tears at bay. “You’re the first and only person to ever make love to me. Couldn’t you tell? You have to have felt it and known you were my first, Ollie. Doesn’t that tell you anything? That doesn’t mean anything to you?” 

            God, I wish this man would stop kissing me and talking and sniffling. I wish the crack in his voice would go away. Stop talking! Stop crying! You’re not allowed to! Stop it!

            “I don’t know what to do anymore, Ollie.” He kissed the corner of my mouth. “Just tell me what to do. I’ll do anything you want. I can’t go another day not being with you. I don’t want to. Please, Ollie. Just tell me what to do. Anything.” 

            I turned my head and kissed him. His body crumbled against mine for only a second then he enveloped me in a hug that made me feel like he was about to crush my spine, the same way I felt about the force of his lips.  I knew how stupid this all his, having him here and kissing him, both of us crying…stupid. More than anything, it was weak!

            He broke from our kiss. I opened my eyes to see him. As blurry as my view was he looked like crap. The man was a wreck and he deserved everything. He did that to himself. He looked at me for a while longer before he dropped to his knees and hugged me around my stomach.

            “I’m calling it off. It meant nothing to me, Ollie. She meant nothing to me. My identity, keeping my sexuality a secret…nothing is worth losing you over. Please take me back. I’ll come out if you want me to…just…please.”

            “Christ! Stop talking!”

            “I can’t,” he sobbed onto my stomach.

            “Ian, get up,” I said, sternly. He peeked up at me through wet lashes. I sighed, raising my brow at him and he finally stood up. I maneuvered myself to go around him and walk towards to the kitchen. I turned around to ask him to follow me and bumped right into him instead. “Dude, some space, alright?”

            He nodded, wiping his face. He’s acting like such a little boy. “Ollie—”

            “Make yourself comfortable—not too comfortable. I’ll be right back.”

            “Okay.”

            Without another word I excused myself and went to my bathroom. I locked the door, put my hand on both sides of the sink and inhaled deeply. Thoughts were spiraling through my mind as fast the tires were spinning on a racing car. I refused to look in the mirror. The fear of not liking the person staring back at me was as strong as the fight between my mind and my heart.

            Finally, I stripped my clothes off and stepped in the shower. I ran the hot water until I couldn’t take it anymore then turned the cold tap on. My shower was nice and relaxed. I exited the shower smelling like a king. The fact that Ian was sitting across from my bedroom was the least of my worries as I walk pass him with the towel wrapped around my waist. Grabbing a pair of pajama pants and a plain t-shirt, I put them on and went to join him in the kitchen.