Dare Me to Live

Chapter 14

By the time I found Amber, locked in the bathroom with Vanessa standing guard, I wasn't feeling good. My stomach churned with alcohol and acid and my head was pounding. From the sounds of retching behind the door, Amber wasn't feeling any better. Vanessa shook her head as I approached in answer to my unasked question.

"I should get her back," I sighed, leaning against the wall for support. I felt drained, as though I had been forced to run a marathon on a moment's notice. My feet ached from my heels so I stooped to slide them off. Red welts crisscrossed the tops of my feet where the straps had dug in.

"You guys can just stay here," said Vanessa. I glanced back at the party still raging in the living room, oblivious to what was happening in the eye of our storm.

"No, I think it is best if she sleeps in her own bed," I said. It's what I would want.

"I'll help you," said Tyler by my side.

"Thanks," I said, tiredly. It would be a long walk; Tyler had had too much to drink to drive us back and who knew what kind of condition Amber was in. Not to mention her attacker might still be hanging around. I shuddered at the thought of meeting him on our way back.

"Let me at least give you sneakers," offered Van, disappearing down the hall.

I knocked tentatively on the bathroom door. "Amber, we're getting ready to head back if you want to come with us," I said, knowing she would respond better if I presented her with an option. For a minute, it was silent behind the door, and I was afraid she had passed out. As I turned to ask Tyler if we should break it down, the lock turned.

Amber emerged, red-faced, water dripping down her temples from where she had tried to splash feeling back into herself.

"I don't feel so great," she whispered, clearly still drunk. She took a couple of steps in place to steady herself. Strands of wet hair stuck to her cheeks like scratches. "Is he gone?"

"He's gone," I said gently. "Tyler is going to walk with us back home."

Amber merely nodded and allowed me to loop my arm through hers for balance while Tyler hovered nearby just in case. Our trio made its way nondescriptly through the ignorant party-goers. Tyler went first to create an opening between the bodies so we could follow mostly untouched in his wake. I went next, leading Amber who wobbled like a baby giraffe in her heels. In the hallway I offered her the sneakers Van had given me so that she wouldn't have to walk barefoot.

"What about your feet?" whispered Tyler, while Amber laced up the shoes with slow, robotic motions.

"I'm used to it," I said, giving him a small smile. He smiled in return, sharing the memory of the night he had tripped over me, barefoot and alone in the wet grass. It seemed a long time ago now.

The night air was cold when we emerged from the apartment building, our breath filling the darkness with clouds. It was an agonizingly slow and silent walk. Amber didn't speak, and I was back to not knowing what to say. The only noise made was the sound of Amber throwing up in a trash can outside our building when we finally reached the front door half an hour later.

Tyler helped her maneuver the stairs, guiding her by the elbows, and I was glad I had given her flat shoes as she stumbled more than once on the way up. The sight would have been funny any other time. Weren't college kids supposed to stumble home, drunk and laughing, knowing they would regret the amount of booze the next morning but not giving up the memories for anything?

I unlocked our room, and Tyler set Amber down gently on her bed. She reclined backwards in a slow, painful manner, like she had just walked a thousand miles.

"Can you stay for a while?" I whispered to Tyler. He nodded and went to take up a sitting position on the floor, his back leaning against the wall. Even he looked exhausted.

I went over to help Amber unlace her borrowed sneakers.

"What you did was really brave," I said, tossing the shoes aside and going in search of water.

"It was stupid," she said harshly, glaring at the ceiling.

I was surprised at how clear she sounded; she must have purged most of the alcohol in her system.

"Most people wouldn't have the guts to do what you did," I said, handing her a water bottle. "You might have saved that girl tonight."

"Yeah, lucky her." Amber took a sip and shivered from the cold. "I never should have gone out."

"Don't say that," I said gently, sitting on the bed by her feet. "You can't let the thought of him control your life."

"I'm not letting him do anything," she snapped. "It's not like I try to think about him."

Fatigue was pulling at my eyes and pressing down on my shoulders. I passed a hand over my face and took a deep breath before I responded. "I'm just trying to help," I said.

"Well, you can't," she said, still staring at the ceiling. "You don't know what it's like, to have that memory always hanging over your head."

Her anger was abrasive, and it just added another weight on top of the exhaustion. "She's just drunk," I thought. "It's been a long night."

"No, but I do know what it's like to have a memory constantly dictate your life," I said, thinking that maybe I could connect with her in some way. "It's not an easy thing."

Amber merely snorted. "The memory you always try to drown in wine?"

My cheeks flushed in embarrassment, and my gaze darted to Tyler who was sitting on the floor watching us. He was turning his own water bottle over and over in his hands.

"Don't," I said, quietly.

Amber gave a harsh laugh. "What? Don't want your boyfriend to know that you can't go to sleep without at least two glasses? And the nights you don't drink, you wake up screaming?"

"Shut up!" I snapped, jumping off the bed and turning to face her so Tyler couldn't see my expression. "I was only trying to help you. You don't know my pain either so you can just shut the hell up about it!"

"And you don't know mine," she said sitting up and stabbing a finger at me. "So don't try and pretend like you understand."

"I'm not pretending!" I yelled.

Amber jumped off the bed so that we were face to face, anger radiating from her like heat. I glared back, refusing to move. Who was she to presume her pain was worse? To write off me off as crazy? To accuse me of needing alcohol when she didn't because she thought she was so much stronger than me?

"You don't know what it's like to have someone hold you down and take away a part of you that you can never get back. To feel like every time someone looks at you, the can see where he put his hands on you, and they know. You won't have to carry that for the rest of your life. What the hell do you know about suffering!" shouted Amber.

I was seconds away from losing all restraint and shoving her away, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Tyler's eyes found mine. He said nothing except to squeeze my shoulder ever so slightly. I took a deep breath, letting my muscles relax. Tyler gave me a small nod and went to resume his post on the floor. I looked back at Amber who was still glaring daggers at me.

"You're right," I said. "I don't. I don't know what that is like. But that doesn't mean I don't know what it's like to feel pain or to lose a part of yourself. I looked at Tyler once more, took another breath, turned back to Amber. "And that's because I've never told you."

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A big chapter is coming, can you feel it??

Anyway, I would love to know what you guys think and any predications you might have! Thanks, as always, for taking the time to check out my story and take interest in my characters, it means the world :)