thin ; xiumin [one]

quatre

for me, it started when i had gym.
on thursday,
we had to be weighed
to check our health,
to see if we were the average weight for our age.
i was shaking,
my hands broke out into a cold sweat,
i felt like crying
but i didn't.
i was next in line
to be weighed,
xiumin was behind me,
eun bi was before me.
she weighed 97 pounds
and i felt
my heart drop
because i knew i weighed so much more.
she was told she was underweight,
but she brushed it off
"at least i'm not overweight"
she didn't directly say this to me
because he was behind me,
but i knew
it was aimed at me,
so did everybody
apart from him.
everyone was laughing when i stepped up to the scale
and i tried to not care.
i hesitantly stood on the scale,
not looking at the number increase,
but i was forced to
when i heard xiumin suck in a breath
and heard other girls gasp.
that's when i looked down
"172 pounds"
i cried,
i didn't run
because my thighs would wobble
and i would run out of breath immediately.
so i just stood there,
whilst all the other girls
were weighed as 99 pounds.
i stood there
alone.
and that's when i knew i had to be thin.