So I rewrote this.
This happened to me three years ago and it still seriously effects my life.
If this happened to you, it's not your fault.
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"Do you want to hang out sometime?" I looked up from my cup of coffee. This guy had been asking me out for a while. I told him he could come with me to eat and sit with me as I read. He was sweet. Really sweet. He tried making small talk about the weather.
I knew I should give him a chance, I just didn't want to be touched. I still felt dirty. All of those things that girl told me still haunted me to this day. It had been over a year, but that didn't matter. I could still hear her voice. Telling me that it was all my fault that her boyfriend assaulted me.
"I uh-"
"Just one dinner date. If you don't like it, I will leave you alone."
"Fine. Pick me up at 7."
One date turned into eight. Then he wanted me to spend the night. After dodging it for so long, he started to worry.
"If you don't want to be with me, just say it."
"Rob, I want to be with you. I just. A lot of shit has happened. I don't want to open myself up, just to get hurt again." I flinched as he pushed my hair behind my ear. "Don't touch me, please."
He put space between us and he looked hurt. Of course, he wasn't the first guy. Eventually they all just got upset when I wouldn't sleep with them. Robert was upset. But he was upset for a completely different reason. It had been two months and I haven't done anything besides make out with him. He didn't care, he just wanted to know why.
"Tell me what is going on." He tried to keep his voice level. He failed. Anyone would probably be upset with me. Or anyone I guess. Especially if they cared for them.
"I was raped, Robert. I was raped and then attacked by his girlfriend. I don't want anyone to touch me because of the things that girl said to me. I feel dirty. I'm not, but those words just hang around. I'm just the side bitch no one cares for."
"I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I'll wait."
"Robert."
"You are already one damn frustrating girl. Dealing with this is nothing. Well, not nothing. It's really a big deal. Not a deal breaker though."
"This happened a year ago and I still can't. I can't let people touch me the way he did. He took something from me that I can't get back."
"You couldn't control what was going to happen to you." He scooted closer to me on the couch, rubbing circles on my back.
"I was drunk and said yes." I knew he was judging me, but he wasn't about to show it. "Well, I said no but he wouldn't take no for an answer."
"Listen, I'm not going to say I know what you're going through. Hell I don't even know what to say. But I'll get you the help you need."
"Just do me a favor."
"Anything."
"Don't try to fix me. Just hold my hand." He smiled, kissing my temple.
Some guys are assholes. I'm not saying that Robert's an angel because every guy has their moment, but you can't let one ruin it for the rest.
