Amaya comes in, and we lock the door behind us.
"So where do you want to start? How about crunches," she commands.
"Yeah, I agree, "1000 crunches burns 3500 calories, which is 1 pound."
"Alright, lets get started."
150 crunches later we take a break. We want to lose a pound a week so we decide to do 150 crunches a day. I drink 3 tall glasses of water. Water fills your stomach so food doesn't have to. Needless to say I hate
love water. I love water. And I love not eating. Because it's. . .good for me. Being fat is unhealthy, I'll be happier when I'm skinny. How did I get like this? Lying to myself to make the numbers on the scale happy? Starving for perfection. . .
I want to stop, I'm scaring myself. What if something happens and someone finds out? Ky. . .I could never bear to do that to him. What am I doing? Hurting the people I love? I will stop, I promise. Just as soon as I'm to 95 lbs, I'm done with ana.
No, you'll never be good enough
I'm not listening to you!
You have to, you can't get rid of me
Yes, I can. And I will as soon as I'm to 95 lbs
You'll never get there, you're not good enough
I will get there, and then you're gone! Forever.
Sure, hun, whatever you say
I squeeze my eyes shut and slam my hands over my ears, I don't want to hear her! Ever since I started ana, I've been mentally reminding to exercise and not eat, until the mental reminders transformed into the voice of Ana. I'm not insane, I just like to imagine that she's watching over me and helping me. But lately, it's been more like she's haunting me, and she won't leave me alone. At first I thought of being anorexic as a sort of lifestyle, a diet. Now it's a cage; and I've lost the key. . .
"Caia. . .Caia cat," Amaya sing-songs, "Come back to me."
"What? Sorry, I'm here, just need some energy." I mutter.
"Coffee break," Amaya pulls at my hand, "I think I need some too."
"Yeah, you're barely keeping your eyes open," I deemed.
As soon as I got down stairs, my mom intercepted me,
"Caia," she complained, "You need a snack, how about a brownie?"
Oh yes! I want
don'tneed any brownies.
"Mom," I sigh, "I can't have brownies, I have to be healthy for cross-country, I'll take a banana."
"Caia, one brownie won't hurt," she frowned, "Eat it!"
I take it, but as soon as I make it back upstairs, I go into my bathroom and crumble the brownie so I can flush it. My mom's just fat and hates how skinny I'm getting. She's just jealous, everyone is. They cannot make me eat. . .not yet.
YOU ARE READING
Mirror Mirror Can't You See, What You Show Is Killing Me
Teen FictionTwo years ago, Caia lost everything and everyone she loved. Now every day is a struggle; she's lost the ability to eat, and not care. Counting calories, and days since the tragedy, Caia's not sure she wants to live anymore. The only one who can con...
