Chosen // loki laufeyson

Chapter Sixty One

Then I chose to sit beside him.

Suddenly he was very aware of my presence, and he slowly turned to look at me. The painful sadness in his expression caused hurt to radiate throughout me, tracing its way through my bones and through my brain. He held my eyes with his for a moment that seemed like forever, completely still, completely shattered. The blue had faded from his skin, but his agony remained.

Loki opened his mouth to speak, lips trembling, and I couldn't help but notice how much he seemed like a broken child. So vulnerable and helpless, and I began to cry again. At the sight of my tears he closed his mouth, pressing his lips firmly together as his face contorted with grief.

My mind ran through any possible way to comfort him, to rip the sadness from his soul and cast it far away, any gesture to cleanse his being of the guilt and shame that tormented him. Finally, I carefully raised a shaky hand and pressed my palm against the cold skin of his cheek, cradling his face.

Loki's eyes closed at the touch, his expression relaxing slightly as he pressed into my hand. His own hand reached up and covered mine. There he remained, absorbing the comforting touch as though we hadn't touched in thousands of years.

"Oh, Loki," I whispered, the sound laced with pain and love. "Please let me love you as completely as I do."

He turned his face even further into my hand, pressing a gentle kiss to my palm. Loki rested there a moment, and I felt the smallest shimmer of magic flow up my arm. Then he straightened up and looked at me, his eyes the beautiful shade of green that my heart had memorized.

"Lienna," Loki began and there was hesitation in his voice that I dreaded to hear. "Lienna, I fear that I do not deserve a love as perfect and healing as yours. I made an unforgivable mistake-" his voice cracked as he spoke- "and I could never expect you to hold me again as though all is right in the world."

A sudden flare of anger sparked in my heart. "Loki Laufeyson, you do not control the will of my heart," I took his hand in mine, holding it tightly, "and the will of my heart would never be to cast you aside for something I am certain you did not do."

Loki swallowed hard, pursing his lips as he thought. His eyes were focused on his hand in mine. "I did it, Lienna. You cannot convince me otherwise because I know what I did." Loki met my eyes again, shame and fear clouding the perfect emerald green of his own. "I do not expect you to understand, but I did not make that decision alone."

The flare of anger had started to grow, but I was still certain it was not Loki that I was angry with. I knew Loki more intimately than I knew myself. The blue eyes that had violated my life were not the green ones I had chosen. "Please help me understand, Loki." Frustration still fought its way into my voice despite my best efforts to keep it even. I did not want secrets or silver tongue or condescension, even if it was for my protection.

His eyes, though still the same color I knew and loved, had turned a darker shade and no longer met mine. Instead, they focused on something beyond me, beyond us. "People crave subjugation," he said, his voice low and carrying an edge I recognized from the strange outburst not long before he had disappeared to Midgard.

"Loki, you know better than I that misplaced power can only lead to the downfall of everyone," I said, but my voice was weaker than I hoped. I knew the anger and frustration that was welling up inside him, and I knew all too well the danger behind it. But I reminded myself that Loki would never hurt me, and the man before me was still Loki.

"The power that I could have held would not be misplaced, Lienna. Even I, a stolen relic, am still heir to a throne, whether or not it comes from the bloodline and birthright of Odin."