lily - lrh

//chapter three//

To say that the funeral is dreadful would be an understatement. Around sixty people showed up and counting. Aunt May stands next to me crying as Uncle Niall stands on the podium to say his last words and thoughts on his older sister. It's the first time I've ever seen him cry. He's usually the strongest in the family.

Luke stands beside me with a pair of sunglasses on his nose, blocking anyone from seeing his eyes produce tears every few seconds. From my height, I can see from under his Ray-Bans. It breaks my heart even more to see that he's trying to stay strong, even though he's falling apart.

"I going to--" Uncle Niall pauses to swallow the lump in his throat, knowing that he's on the verge of crying again. He clears his throat, "Sorry... I'm going to miss Liz terribly. She's one of the best sisters I have ever had. I... I don't want her to leave just yet. I... I'm sorry, I can't.. I can't." He breaks down into a fit of sobs and Aunt May runs to his side to help him off the podium.

I look to Luke, and he nods at me before walking over to the podium. He looks at everyone, faintly smiling at me before sighing and taking off his sunglasses. He looks down at his shoes before speaking, "I would like to apologize. Apologize to Mom. I had never been the best son to her. I remember..." he laughs quietly before speaking up again, "I remember in high school, I used to sneak out while she was asleep. I used to drink and party hard, and I never at once thought that she would wake up to check on me, only to find that I'd run off again."

"She'd stay up all night, sometimes until the early hours of the morning waiting for me. She never got mad. She'd sit me down, talk me through it, telling me to be responsible, to be a good role model for my younger sister. I never listened. I just went on and kept disobeying her."

He clears his throat and finally looks up at the crowd before him. His eyes are glossed over, and before I know it, my eyes start watering as well. "I was irresponsible. I was oblivious to her feelings. Little did I know that while I was being a rebellious teenager, she was working busy hours from 7 a.m. to 11 p.m., six days a week. She sometimes even took night shifts at the ER just so that she could save up for me and Lily's birthday presents."

He sighs, glancing to the coffin that sat before him. "I should've been a better son. A better brother..." he looks at me. "Lily, I'm sorry I never got to be a proper brother throughout the years. I'm sorry I never got to be there and act as a proper father figure when our own dad walked out on us."

"Believe it or not, I read your diary, Lily. When you're not looking, I read through every thing. Hate me all you want, but you've always been so reserved. It was the only way I was able to read your thoughts. In one entry, you said that you considered me as your father figure -- your role model, even though I was never a good one."

At that I broke down. I let everything out, hugging Uncle Niall who held onto me just as tight. I knew everyone would be looking at me, but I couldn't care less. My mother is dead. They can judge all they want.

"Do you want to go up and say a few words?" Uncle Niall whispered in my ear. I looked up at him, shaking my head furiously. "I'll say it in person later on... to mom." I whispered. Uncle Niall nodded his head in understanding and looked up at Luke, shaking his head.

Luke closed the ceremony and before I knew it, mom is in the ground, covered by soil. I sit down next to her, carressing the flowers and the gravestone. I pick up the soil, only to drop it back onto the grave. Uncle Niall and Aunt May stare at the grave while they stand on the other side, and Luke stands behind me.

At this point, I wish that I was heartless; that the ache in my chest would disappear completely. I'd rather feel absolutely nothing than have to feel... this. This hollowness at the bottom of my heart -- acting as a black hole that will eventually swallow me whole. My being is breaking down little by little, and I can imagine that this is what Luke feels deep inside, as well.

The fact that mom is gone scares me. It scares me to death, to have to live with only Luke and have to think about what we would have to eat every day. Of course, Aunt May and Uncle Niall would provide for us, send us money from time to time... But would we really want to burden them?

"Mom, I miss you. I'm sorry I never got to say goodbye before you left. It was unexpected, and I swear on my life, if I were able to turn back time, I would. I'd go back and fix everything wrong I have done in the past towards you. I wish that you'd stay a little longer. Until prom, graduation, my college graduation, even my wedding..."

I swallow the growing lump in my throat, "I--I love you. And I wish I had told you more often that I did and that I do. I love you and I always will... 'till the day I die, even after I die, I will still love you. I need you to know that."

Luke sits down next to me and I continue, "I promise you that me and Luke will take care of each other. We'll go on with our lives. We'll move on, eventually. But for now, allow us to mourn. Allow us to be sad. We don't know what we'd do without you, and let us think about our next step in life, because we don't know what we're gonna do now that you're gone."

I cry and let the tears fall onto my mother's grave as Luke once again holds me close, his own tears dropping onto my hair.

I know that now, we can continue to live our lives, although differently.

It's the start of something new.

Page 4, 1090 words

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A/N: oh wow boring chapter, i'm sorry it's a filler :/