Memories

Six

But I hope I could live in it again, for it was our last family photo.

When the alarm went off this morning and I woke up to the empty side of the bed until I was eating breakfast at the dining table, it still didn't felt normal to me.

I ate everything on my plate, leaving nothing behind, and looked over to the balcony, where you were busy hanging the clothes -- judging from the way you had bent down and reached up towards the clothesline.

Everything was the same, really. With or without you, it was still silent.

The scene in front of me -- Alicia eating and answering the phone calls at the same time, Erik still sleeping in, you who were doing something in a distance, and me who was always watching -- was already etched deeply in my mind.

So, I could be sure to say that everything was the same.

Except for me.

Although I was a part of this daily morning scene in the house, today I felt completely cut off from it. A sense of unbelonging clung to me. As if I shouldn't be here or this wasn't real. As though I was the only one in a different dimension; the odd one out. But, I wanted to deny this.

I snapped out of my trance as Alicia called out from the front door, "You'll be late if you don't get going, dad!"

"I'm coming!" I answered while placing a cup into the sink that I knew I would be the one washing it tonight. After all, no one else would.

I quickened my steps and headed to the balcony. "Dear, I'll see you after work." I painted a smile across my face as a sigh left my lips when you did't respond.

Hope I'll get used to this soon.

"Don't overwork yourself again, alright?"

And so, after a long stare at you, I left for work, seeking out the normalcy I was deprived from at home.

After all, life still had to go on. Even if I lost someone. Because that was what living meant -- to move on.

~

I took a quick sip at my lukewarm coffee before going back to typing on the computer. My job consisted of typing out documents and signing them occasionally. And after years of repeating the same thing, I could accomplish them without batting an eyelash.

My mind slowly drifted away, even though my fingers hadn't stopped. Work was fine and the people were, too. But, something was off. Like there was something disconnected somewhere.

Not again.

Time ticked by so fast, I hardly even noticed.

Has life ever been so mundane?

Before I knew it, I had typed out a bunch of unrelated sentences. I furrowed my brows at my absentmindedness and pressed the backspace button until all mistakes were gone.

Then, I was hit by realization like a pile of paper thrown at me.

The mistakes were wiped clean and forgotten.

So easily.

But, so different.

If only mistakes in life could be erased like this.

As soon as the thought buzzed in my mind, I cut off every other thought, like removing the wilting leaves on a flower. The sound of typing drowned out everything and I was relieved to feel numb again.

Without it, I wonder if I would come to remember, again.

~

Time could be kind or cruel.

And this time, it chose to be kind, maybe even it had sympathized me. Two weeks had passed by so quickly, and now I was going to retire. It was a few months earlier than the agreed date, but an early retirement didn't hurt anyone.

"Congratulations on your retirement, Mr. Miles!" James offered a hand at me. "I am really grateful for your guidance."

"Thank you." I took his hand and smiled as widely as I could. I was told that I still looked weary even though it had been a month already. Smiling wasn't hard. To look normal was.

But I had to try.

"John, how have you been?" A colleague that I wasn't really close to, Marcus, asked out of nowhere.

It took me a whole minute before getting what he meant.

And another sixty seconds until I saw the look he gave me.

A look full of pity. Eyebrows and mouth downturned with his head slightly tilted to the side.

That was all it took for you appear in my mind. And I was reminded of your everything.

I smiled as widely as I could, again, as though my feelings could be contained that way. Yet, I could feel them bubbling inside me like hot lava.

"I'm fine." I hope so. "Thanks for asking."

"That's great to hear!" He returned my smile and gave me a pat on my shoulder.

I gave him a polite nod and a simple farewell before walking off.

The small, joyous feeling I had within me faded completely as guilt entered my bloodstream like a toxin and started to corrupt my body.

It had been a month since you died.

And it had been a month but it still hurts.

For the past two weeks when I was working, I had refrained myself from thinking about you.

After all, this was a place without you, and I thought I could try to be normal again, for awhile.

But I guessed I wasn't allowed to.

~

"I'm home!" I called out in a voice loud enough to echo throughout the house, but low enough so I was the only one who could hear it crack.

Home. A place to return to; a place we had built up together.

I didn't remembered how much I had missed and longed for home.

It used to be kept in the deepest part of my heart, so deep that I had forgotten about its existence. It was just a flat and meaningless word back then. Something that I had brushed aside, again and again.

Until you left, and the family was shaken.

That was when my heart was torn apart and the desire had seeped out.

I walked past the living room, throwing my coat at the couch along the way, as I reached the kitchen. You were there, with half lidded eyes, going between dozing off and checking the clock on the wall.

Were you waiting for us?

I sat down beside you silently, not wanting to break the serene atmosphere.

"Dear, I'm home."

Only the sound of the clock ticking answered me.

"I retired today," a smile stretched across my face. "So, I'll always be by your side now." I placed my hand on yours that rested on the table. It passed through. But, at least I know you were once here.

"Always." I whispered, as my voice seemed to had blended into the wind. I closed my eyes and smiled, listening to beautiful melody of the wind.

And I hope that it would carry my feelings to wherever you were.

-

[Author's Note : Yes, I said I won't be leaving any A/Ns but I just wanted to say thanks to each and every one of you for reading up till here and helped Memories reached 500 votes in such a short time. I was really surprised that the last chapter update boosted the reads by 1k. I'm sorry for the late update and thank you so much for your supports <3]