Orange Is The Color Of Untamed Urges

Chapter 9

Trinity walked into the parlor, her eyes landing on Ailbeart. She hadn't seen him around very much. The only exception being dinner.

She moved toward him, "Hello, Ailbeart." She said as she caught his attention.

He looked up at her and smiled but it did not reach his eyes. "Hello, lass."

She plopped down on the sofa beside him, tilting her head at him in concern. "Okay, what's the matter? If I'm going to be here, despite all that's happened I do like you, I would really love it if you would talk to me. You look so...oh, I don't know...sad."

He chuckled at her before sighing, "You are very observant."

She shrugged, "I suppose I am but I am used to you smiling and you haven't been doing that lately."

Ailbeart shifted on the sofa uncomfortably, running a hand through his greying hair. "I didna' know that I was making it so obvious." He mumbled in embarrassment.

It was clear to Trinity that he was feeling rather vulnerable. "How long have you been in England? Your accent is noticeable...though not nearly as noticeable as Artairs..." She trailed off as she realized that she had brought him up without thinking.

Ailbeart didn't seem to notice her internal battle at all. He smiled at her softly, "I've been here for as long as I can remember, lassie. Sometimes I think I've been here too long..."

A far off look crossed his face as if he were being sucked into a far off world all his own. She opened her mouth to ask him to elaborate but he beat her to it.

"I was under King George III's, there had been many battles over land and silly squabbles over whatever the people felt reckoned for a fight. I just wanted them to end, I was convinced that if any more battles were waged it would have been the end of common sense." He chuckled sadly at the memory of past feelings.

Trinity was more than curious now, "Go on." She urged, hoping to help him get whatever ailed him off of his chest.

"The king wanted a few of us to go to Scotland, to check on his land, but in all reality he wanted us to make sure the people knew it belonged to him, that nothing had changed just because a war had not been waged in years. I was one of the men who volunteered to go. I was born in Scotland and had lived there until the age of ten...until my father migrated us over after pledging loyalty to the house of Hanover. I had been eager to go back, to see what had become of my childhood birthplace."

"Was it awful?" Trinity asked, becoming completely engrossed in his words.

He shook his head. "I didna' know what to expect and so seeing again...it did not leave me feeling happy or disappointed. The pastures were still as I remembered them. Green, wide open, inviting...beautiful. But the towns...it was obvious that years of poverty had taken its toll. Some towns were so much more well off than others."

"We visited quite a few of them, talking to advisors, seeing to crops and the money that came in out but one town in particular stood out the most to me. It was a rather poor town but it had been filled with wonderful people. People who hated the Monarchy and hated what the battles had done to the land. It was also where I met Artair's mother."

He paused, his eyes wandering off again, in deep thought. Trinity's heart ached for him, she could see the longing in his eyes, could practically feel the yearning...it was almost tangible.

"You don't have to tell me this story, you know? If it's too painful for you I'll understand." She said.

He blinked before looking over at her. He chuckled a little and it actually sounded genuine to her ears. "You remind me of her, your spirit. She loved life and she found beauty in everything. That woman had me at first glance. She walked right up to us, met us head on and the first thing she said was, 'I hope you didna' come over here to start another war cause I won't ave' it!'"

Trinity laughed, "She sounds wonderful."

"That she was. She was brave and easy going and her smile, it could light up the whole sky in my eyes. She was what I wanted and what I spend all my time pursuing the remainder of our stay in the town. The night before we were to leave we spent the night together and I promised her I'd send for her. I meant it, and I did. I sent for her more than once. And each time it was the same every time, she was constantly rejectin' me."

"Why didn't you go to her?" Trinity asked in confusion.

"I didna' have the time! I had a duty to the King and leaving without reason...would have severed my relationship with the crown!"

"But your love for her...wasn't that reason enough?"

Ailbeart stared at her for a moment before averting her eyes. His chest ached in the most painful way. "The King would not have seen it that way."

"What happened to her?"

He cleared his throat, leaning back against the sofa. "I eventually went back...after years of serving the King and the court I finally went back but what I found was a son. A seven year old son with midnight eyes just like his mother and brown hair like my own."

"What happened to his mother?" Trinity tried again.

"Artair was a handsome lad, he was energetic and just as beautiful in my eyes as his mother had been."

"Ailbeart..."

He grit his teeth before covering his face with his hands, "She had died that year, months before my arrival...she had had a fever and it wouldna' go away, it grew every day until she died from it. I hadn't been there, I hadn't gotten a chance to hold her or tell her that I still loved her."

"I'm so sorry...you shouldn't feel guilty Ailbeart, you hadn't known that was going happen." Trinity mumbled.

"Still if I had been there...maybe she would still be alive today. Artair hates me for it! His mother...she died calling out for me and he hated me for not being there for her. I sent for him once I found out that he was my son, I confronted his guardians but they told me they would never give him to me. It took years and years of bargaining...money traded, promises broken...and once he arrived here, I realized that I had missed his childhood, he was man, a man that hated me. I do not blame him...I can't even be angry with him for resenting me because...because I'm angry with myself!" Ailbeart made a pained sound deep within his throat as if he were suppressing tears at finally admitting his feelings. Feelings that were long overdue to be told.

"He can't still be angry with you over this...It was not your fault and I'm sure if you two talked-," he cut her off with a shake of his head.

"He will not listen to me, his hearts broken and its been broken for years. He does not believe in love, he's had too many loses because of it."

Trinity frowned up. She could emphasize with Artair's pain but she could not understand his hate for something as glorious as love. She had grown up seeing love blossom in all of its forms and had never found any fault in it.

"That's nonsense. Complete nonsense. Love is a wonderful thing, from what I've seen of it and read and heard and felt, it's magnificent! It is to be accepted with open arms not rejected! What idiocy!"

Ailbeart looked at her with wide eyes before smiling. It was the first smile he had given her all day that actually resembled him. He reached for her hands, giving them a gentle squeeze. "This is why I chose you, lass. You have spirit and you don't back down, I know that you'll see past all of his stubbornness and fear and anger. There is more to him, I know there is. He's proven he has heart with Ean. He cares for Ean like a father, he loves the boy but he refuses to admit it to himself. But you, you can unlock all his love. I know you can, I see the way he looks at you."

Trinity pulled her hands away, running them through her hair. "I can't promise you that I'll marry him, Ailbeart, I just can't! At the end of this month I plan on going home...." The look of disappointment on his face made her heart fall and she reached for his hands again, holding them firmly in her own.

"But I can help mend your relationship, I can promise you that much. I will try my best to open his heart a little, to get him to see that love isn't so bad. You have my word."

Hope blistered in his eyes once more and her stomach churned as the promise she made registered in her head. Bloody hell...

*Comment, like and share! Here come the trails and tribulations, all Artair needs is a little TLC, right?*