finding your way back || e.s

Chapter 2

I was getting ready to punch someone, until Amy stopped me. Jake was standing behind me and laughing in amusement. I hit his arm as he sat next to me. A sigh of relief escaped my lips.

"Asshole," I mumbled.

"What was that Ellie? Did I hear correctly?" he replied.

"Jake, I'm not in the mood," I answered.

"Sorry. I didn't ask for sex," Jake laughed again.

"Haha, ok that one was funny," I responded.

His arms wrapped around me and he hugged me. My lips curved into a smile; the first one today. Amy left to go get other people's orders. My phone vibrated in pocket, over and over again. I just ignored it and went back to eating. Jake kept taking pieces of food off my plate until I slapped his hand. I had a huge appetite, since I didn't eat much yesterday. Today was Saturday, August 17, 2013, no detention for me. Usually, I had detention for cutting class and missing school for so long. It wasn't cause I was a "badass" or anything, I had real reasons. Reasons that I couldn't tell anybody, besides people who already know. I couldn't cry for help, I've tried, but no one believes me. Maybe it's because I hurt myself too. Cutting is a way out, I feel numb, I feel nothing for once. It only lasts a while, but I still do it. I can't stop it's all this adrenaline that doesn't let me stop. It's bad to do it, I know, I've had people try to help me. But, I can't be helped, it doesn't work. I pushed the thoughts away, wanting to forget. I was on my last pancake by the time I felt someone tugging aggressively on my hair.

"I fucking told you to come back. No one said you could leave, bitch," Ryan clenched his teeth.

"Even in public you're a complete jerk, Ryan. Why don't you let go of my hair and we can settle this," I said calmly.

"What is there to settle, whore? I know you stole the drugs and sold them," he spoke, raising his voice.

Ryan pulled harder on my hair, attempting to drag me out. Jake tried to push Ryan away, but he was making it worse. I knew that he wouldn't take it out on Jake. Ryan always took it out on me, he blamed it all on me. I felt guilty because Jake would at least get a punch to the face. One time, Ryan forced one of my friends to watch me get beat. He would yell insanities at me and my friend would beg him to stop hitting me. It was horrible, I almost bled out completely. Thankfully, my friend escaped and he stopped. She stopped speaking to me after that traumatic experience. I stood up from the stool and Ryan let go. Not long after I was walking, Ryan grabbed my arm. He forcefully held onto me and faked a smile as we walked out. We headed back home in silence, except for the occasional insults.

"Well you certainly made a scene," I murmured.

The back of his hand hit my face. I winced in pain; he heard me. We arrived at my house and my mom opened the door. She had a look of disappointment on her face. My mom dragged me inside and shoved me on the floor. My head hit the wall and I shuffled away from them. Ryan kicked me in the stomach and I yelled out. My ribs hurt so bad, I felt them break. My mom slapped me repeatedly, releasing her anger on me. Bam, another kick on the right side of my stomach. I screamed in pain, while trying to hold my ribs together. They played with me like I was a doll, breaking each one of my bones. I was fragile, I couldn't take it anymore. Ryan punched me repeatedly and my mom kicked my stomach.

"Stop," I coughed, "Please stop."

I knew it, today's the day I finally die. Finally, they stopped beating me. I lay on the ground, wishing they'd just kill me. My mom considered me a burden either way. My whole body was in pain, there was blood everywhere. I couldn't get up, but if I stayed here I'd just get hit even more.