Midnight Walk (Mark Tuan Short Story)

06: What I Deserve

I don't know how long I slept but the doorbell of our house, made me open my eyes as I got up to see who it is. I walked like a dead human and I even saw myself looking so awful when I passed at the full-length mirror of my room. My eyes are swollen, my hair is messy but I still had the kindness for myself to fix my hair before going to the front door and opening it expecting that it's just someone my parents knew, but I was wrong.

"Mark" I uttered as he was standing there while his face is hiding with the bouquet of white roses that he's holding. It has a card on top of it that says "sorry"

Something inside my heart ached because of guilt but when the flowers revealed his face, in the middle of my chaotic mind, I softened and forcibly smiled at him. He smiled back and quickly hugged me giving me the validity to feel his warmth. I closed my eyes as I rested my head on his chest hearing the sound of his heartbeat.

No, Mark, I'm sorry for being a failure, I'm sorry for coming into your life... I'm sorry.

"I thought you're breaking up with me." He whispered. He sounds calm, but he also sounds wearied.

"We haven't seen each other for two weeks and you're not answering my calls overnight because I wanted to meet up with you at midnight. I thought you don't want to see me anymore because I always don't have time for you, I thought you're leaving me, I thought I'm going to lose you. I'm so sorry because I am so busy, I'm so sorry if I keep missing our dates, I'm sorry-"

"Shh... I'm already here. Stop overthinking and saying sorry, it's okay love. I'm not leaving you." I wanted to laugh for myself because I'm not just a filthy woman, I am also a liar. But right now, I can't just break the moment, I want to live in it, knowing that it's going to be over someday. He deserves to feel better because it was tough for him. Fighting for this relationship, trying to make everything alright, trying to stay compose and look okay in front of me when I know that he's already exhausted.

"How was the performance?" I asked as I handed him a bottle of orange juice from the fridge. He got it from my hand without even throwing a glance because he was busy roaming his eyes around our living area like an amused child when in fact, it's not his first time being here.

We are waiting for the food that I ordered for us. He said that he wants to eat barbecue chicken and have some beer with me even though the sun is still shining but what can I do? My boyfriend is demanding a different date when midnight comes. He said that we'll be watching a movie at a midnight cinema.

"Hey" I called out as I sat beside him trying to get his attention. He looked at me and lightly raised his brow with a small smile. His smile was contagious that it also made me smile.

"Love, you look tired." I said while staring at him. He didn't just look like he lost some weight. His eyes have bags underneath and he looks drained. His hair is also disorganized regardless, he's still handsome because he's Mark Tuan. But it won't stop me from being worried and guilty at the same time because I can't do anything for him but to add on his problems. He has so many things on his plate I'm sure that this relationship is one of them, instead of making him feel better I secretly know that at some point, it's still difficult for him.

"You haven't seen yourself aren't you?" He fired back and smirked. I rolled my eyes that made him chuckle. He scooted over to my side and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"But you're still beautiful, love" He whispered and gave me a small peck. I beamed at him fixed his hair.

"Do you want to sleep in my room?" I gently asked. He pursed his lips and looked away to think about my question before looking back at me.