06: What I Deserve

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I woke up with my head throbbing in unfamiliar pain and damn my breathe smells alcohol. I massaged my temples and rolled to the other side of the bed but then I felt my legs feeling so sore as my arms landed on a strange naked body.

I rubbed my eyes and opened it but my eyes widen when I saw Jaehyun covered with the same blanket that I am using and he's sleeping calmly beside me. I quickly roam my eyes on the room and it took me a few realizations before trying to get up because I am not in my freaking room!

But then I felt the soreness of my legs that is why I went back to the bed and groaned. I bit my lower lip and tightly closed my eyes trying to recall what happened last night. I covered my mouth with nervousness as my brain cells started to panic because I finally understood what happened to us when we were both drunk!

I removed the blanket that is covered on me as I stiffened when I felt the coldness of the room because I am not wearing anything what the fuck!

My heart was beating so fast and my hands and knees were trembling while picking up my clothes from the floor and putting them on. Sweat started to drip on my forehead as I look for my belongings and I felt like my inner soul fled away from my body when I saw Jaehyun and Dasha's wedding photo installed at the top of the console table where my bag is placed. I aggressively brushed my hair in frustration as I looked at Jaehyun. When I saw a stain of blood on the bedsheet, tears started to pool in my eyes realizing that I lost it last night to someone married and worse is that we did it on their home, in their bed.

"No..." I shook my head as my tears continuously fell from my eyes. I stoop and covered my face.

What if when Dasha saw us on the bed?

What if when she's downstairs?

How about their family?

How about Mark?

Damn you, Cha Eun you fucked up.

I took a deep breath and stood up fixing the strands of my hair at the back of my ear. I slowly left his room trying not to make any sound. My womanhood is aching and my body is trembling in fear. I started to overthink and question myself for what happened. My head is in turmoil, I'm not in my right state of mind but I know that my fear is telling me the right thing to do, leave this house and never come back, no matter what.

I didn't know how I got home safely when I wish I didn't because I don't think I still have the audacity left to face my family, to face anyone because I am now so ashamed of myself. I don't even know what to do anymore. What Jaehyun and I did was wrong, it's a huge mistake! It will forever be inflicted in my life and I will never be proud!

I feel so disgusted with myself! I lost my chastity to someone married while I am in a relationship with Mark! It feels like I lost my honor for myself, my innocence, dignity, even my respect for myself! I lost it all!

Fortunately, my family is not around and that is how I peacefully went to my room to take a thorough bath because I feel so dirty. I was crying while taking a shower and rubbing myself with a bar of soap. After changing my clothes, I lied on my bed as my tears started to fall once again.

I rolled on the other side of the bed and covered myself with my blanket. I screamed at the top of my lungs trying to remove all the heaviness in my chest and the bothering thoughts clouding on my mind but it didn't work.

At some point, I just gave up and cried realizing that it is already done, it happened, grudgingly, I already messed everything up, big time.

"Eotteoke?" I whispered under my breath before falling asleep.

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